


Online Dating

by SamanthaxSecret



Series: Holidays [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Cas, Bottom Dean, Comedy, Dating, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Anguish, Physical Abuse, Self Harm, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Top Cas, Top Dean, Verbal Abuse, domestic abuse, eharmony, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2068416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaxSecret/pseuds/SamanthaxSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finally convinced the 29 year old Dean Winchester to come out of his closet and join a dating website. Where he met the guy of his dreams, Castiel Novak. Who isn’t who Dean thought he would be; landing them with trouble in paradise. Now it’s up to his brother Sam with an idea for Castiel to convince Dean to take Castiel back, despite what he had done.</p><p>Halloween.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. eHarmony, are you kidding Sam?

Dean and Sam sat on the couch watching the latest football game; knocking off a few beers as they glued their eyes to the screen.   
  
Sam turned to Dean, pressing his lips together thinking now was a good time to bring back the topic he had started earlier during the commercial break.

”Dean, come on just make the damn profile.” Sam pestered him while they sat on the couch, “You’re old and bitter, its about time you find someone, you’re twenty-nine for Gods sake. I am twenty-five and already engaged.” 

"Hey I am not old!" he argued eyes still glued to the screen, "And I don’t need some damn dating website to find love."  he grumbled popping the cap off of his third beer.

"Just because you’re engaged…." he trailed off deciding not to finish that one as he swung the glass bottle in his hand.  
  
"Clearly you do need some ‘damn-dating-website’ Dean, or else you would of settled down by now." Sam retaliated taking a swig of his own beer. "Come on, there’s no fault in trying."  
  
Dean rolled his eyes watching the television as a commercial break came over the screen; an eHarmony advertisement, figures. Sam laughed at him brows raised as he took another sip, smirking around the bottle.

“Jesus Christ, the whole world is against me on this isn’t it?” He asked Sam taking a swig of his own beer.

“Fuck it, get my laptop Sammy.” He groaned.  
  
Sam got up happily and walked out of the room to retrieve his brother’s computer smiling to himself feeling quite victorious. He plopped back down on the couch moments later, noticing Dean was already on his fourth beer, he rolled his eyes handing him his laptop. 

He  _really_  wished Dead hadn’t drank so much.  
  
Dean snatched the laptop from his palms and placed it on his lap, opening it up while he sighed in defeat, “What’s the website again?” He asked opening his browser.  
  
"eHarmony." Sam smiled.  
  
He groaned as he typed the name into Google. “This one it?” He asked pointing to the first site shown.  
  
"Yeah looked like it." Sam answered, and Dean clicked the link,  **'eharmony.com - eHarmony® - The #1 Dating Site'**  .  

He scoffed at the cheesy layout, “You got to be kidding me Sammy.” he complained.   
  
"Oh come on, give it a chance." He protested as he leaned over to get a better look.

 _"Beat the odds,  
_ _Bet on Love with eHarmony  
_ _Our bold, scientific approach to matching means more quality dates with deeply compatible singles that truly understand you.”_

  
"I don’t know about this Sam." He moaned as he hit the sign up button. He entered his information, the payed for it, only for a few months though. "I can’t believe I have to pay to find ‘love’. " he whined.

"Quit being a cheap bastard." His brother hissed, "Make your damn profile already."  
  
"Fine." He sighed taking a sip of his beer, feeling the buzz already start taking place.

"We need a picture." He said mildly annoyed.

"Jesus, Sam. This is stupid, there isn't anybody that is going to be interested in the crap we call my life." he said bitterly.  
  
"Sure they will. Besides you're not crap Dean." He said taking his older brothers laptop and placing it on the coffee table, "Time to take a picture, come on, get up, and fix yourself up, meet me outside asap."

He laughed pulling his brother to his feet, "Come on, lighten up grumpy.  
  
Dean got up grumpily heading towards the bathroom, while Sam grabbed his digital camera, heading outside afterwards.  
  
Dean sighed looking into the mirror, he thought this whole idea was stupid. ”Gotta find love, you’re getting old.” He mumbled to himself, mocking his brother while he fixed his dark blonde hair, that was fairly close to being brown.   
  
Once he was finished gussying himself up he headed outside slowly, making his way over to his smiling brother, “Alright stand over there. Next to your Baby.” Sam shouted and Dean did so.

Sam snapped two photo’s when Dean wasn’t paying attention.  
  
"Come on Sam!" He shouted, "Stop taking random pictures." he complained.  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, “Take off the leather jacket, just wear the flannel. He suggested.

And he did so, feeling like an idiot about this whole thing. “Perfect.” Sam smiled getting down on one knee, acting as if he were some big shot photographer. “Alright, now some solos” He said after taking a picture, getting back up on his feet. “Back in the house, and you better act like a goddamn model.” He joked. "I mean you  _already_ have the personality as one."  
  
"Hold on, I need to get ready for my close-up" he joked bitterly, playing into Sam's words.

Sam took several images, all of them came out decent. He loaded them onto Dean’s laptop and they looked though them carefully.

"Ugh my face." he groaned, "Next."

"My legs are too, bow-leggy." he frowned, "Next!"

"Ooo, I like this one, I look like a philosopher."

"Yeah, right." Sam laughed, "You’re acting like a diva."  
  
"Shut up."

"Look at this one, your smile looks um,  nice." He commented awkwardly.

"Hmm, I like it." He furrowed his brow in thought, "This will do."

                                                               

 

"You have photos around here someplace right?" Sam asked pointing to his laptop, "How about upload some of those professional ones." He reminded him.

"I wish we remembered that earlier." he said sounding like a grumpy old man. 

Dean went through his photo’s and uploaded his favorite ones.  He was very picky about which ones he chose, he could tell it annoyed Sam.

"This one of me and Baby you took is nice." He commented, "When was this? Last year when I fixed her up at Bobby's?" Sam nodded giving him his answer.

"I will put it up then."

                                                              

"Okay now your bio." Sam said as leaned over eyes focusing on the screen as he move his finger over the touch-pad and clicked on the edit bio feature.

"What do I say?" He asked looking up at Sam, face full of doubt. 

 _This was stupid._  
  
"Anything." Sam replied  
  
"Okay." Dean twisted his mouth in thought,   _Hi, I’m Dean, I think I am adorable, I am an Aquarius, I like long walks on the beach and frisky women._ He typed out smirking like an idiot.  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, “That’s good, but you misspelled something.”  
  
"What did I misspell?" He asked confused scanning over the words quickly; he thought he spelled everything correctly. He creased his brow in confusion, looking at the screen, he had indeed spelled everything right, so what the hell was Sam talking about?  
  
"You put a ‘w’ and ‘o’ in front of men."  He said slyly, giving Dean his perfect bitch face.

Dean shot him a look, sighing heavily clenching his jaw. "Sam….." He warned.  
  
"Be honest…." Sam replied raising his eyebrows as he pressed his lips together, looking at him pointedly.   
  
"Fine." He said rolling his eyes,  _I like frisky men_ he typed out, rolling his eyes at the word. 

_Men_

Sure he had been with women, a lot….of women. But his curiosity in being with men had become an interest of his, he came out to Sam about it three years ago when the thought first came up. He started to see other men, less as friends and more of little crushes; fuckable crushes.

                                                                         ***  
It first started at a bar; he was working on a case about a local death, and he  was talking to two very attractive women when he looked back and noticed a quirky little guy wave at him shyly as he sipped on a margarita. He knew him from somewhere, he had been following him. He got up excusing himself awkwardly as he made his way over to the table.             

"Special agent Winchester." he said placing his badge on the table in front of him, the man glanced down at it briefly, before looking back up into Dean’s eyes, full of lust making Dean feel rather uncomfortable, yet aroused at the same time. "Why are you following me, gingerbread?" Dean asked pushing his brow together; trying to shake off the growing bulge in his pants.

"Oh." The man giggled softy looking down, his cheeks growing bright red.

"We didn’t have a thing back there?" He said looking up at him, throwing his thumb over his shoulder. This took Dean by surprise.

"We had a-wha-wha-what now?" He asked stumbling around his words. This wasn’t happening.

"I thought we have a magical moment over there, so I saw you in here and followed you. I am sorry man, my mistake." He chuckled.

Dean licked his lips, they had become uncomfortably dry. “Oh.” he managed to get out. 

"Do you want to get out of here?" He looked up at him through his lashes as if he knew what Dean wanted, and Dean nodded.  
  
Dean _nodded_.

Needless to say, that was his first time with someone of the same sex. Since they he hadn’t stopped craving it.

                                                                   ***

"Happy?" Dean said between clenched teeth.  
  
"Yes, now, venture off into the world of eHarmony." Sam smirked tapping his shoulder, getting up from the couch, "I’m going to bed, play safe." he smirked, as his brother shot him a look.  
  
"Real funny Sam." He grunted. Sam shrugged and left the room.  
  
Dean sighed finishing his beer as he waited; getting impatient as he waited for someone to message him. This was stupid, no on was going to ‘hit him up’ so the kids of this generation called it. The hour ticked away and he was growing more and more tired as the minutes passed. He sighed putting his laptop on the coffee table before he got up. 

He picked up his beers along with Sam’s, staggering towards the kitchen, tossing them into the recycling bin, causing the glass to bang up against one another. Tinkering glass filled the air, he smirked knowing he had probably just woken Sam up. He deserves it for making do this, putting him in such a vulnerable position.

 

—

He stumbled into the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth before heading back into the living room to retrieve is laptop to put it away.  
  
Just as he was about to close it he noticed he had a message. He furrowed his brow together looking at the notification. “This is stupid.” He mumbled, taking a deep breath before clicking on it.   
  
Of course his laptop would start to lag now, making his chest swarm with nervousness and anxiety as if he were meeting someone for the first time. He hadn’t thought about dating in years, let alone owning up to his sexual orientation to the public, and it made him nervous.

His heart thumped in his chest when the page finally finished loading, 

Castiel Novak  
    
 _Hello Dean Winchester, I was wondering if you would like to take a moment to get to know one another. Maybe we could skype sometime?  If you are interested, just message me back. xoxo_  
  
At the bottom of the message he left his number with a winky face.   
  
Dean clicked on his profile, looking though his picture. Damn, he was  _hot_.

 

 

"Shit." he exhaled feeling himself grow hard in his jeans just from the thought of being with someone like him.  _Why the hell would someone like him be interested in me?_   He thought.  
   
He searched though his profile, he learned that Castiel was three years older than he was and a published writer, judging by that information and his sense of style, along with professionally taken photos he assumed he was rich. He wasn't sure if that were someone he would be interested in, he wasn't rich, and was afraid of not being good enough.

But despite his insecure thoughts he replied, giving him his skype information. Soon after he accepted his request and waited in silence for him to start a video chat.

It only took a few minutes before he notification popped up along with the ringtone. He waited a few seconds before he accepted it and turned on his own webcam.

Castiel smiled brightly when he saw Dean, and his smile was so beautiful he swore his heart stopped for a moment. Why was he getting so nervous?

"Hello Dean." He smiled, "Wow, you are a handsome guy, I guess those pictures weren't lying."

Dean blushed bright red and he was sure Castiel noticed. He couldn't hear his voice very well or see him very well, his room was dark, and he was speaking quietly, but he didn't mind.

"Where do you live?" He asked.

"Watsonville." He smiled, "I live in a beach house, it's very beautiful"

"That's a nice town." Dean smiled. "I am in Gilroy California." 

"Then there is a chance we would run into each other eventually." He smiled ruffling up his hair.

"We could go get some coffee sometime?" Castiel suggested. 

"Sounds good."  
  
Dean noticed him looking around nervously, "Well, I have to go." He smiled, although he could see the fear in his eyes, and with that the call ended.

\--

A few months  passed and he still hasn’t contacted Castiel. Mainly because he felt like Castiel was way out of his league, so he brushed him off.

Meanwhile he had gone out on a few dates, none of which he was interested in. They were all bigger dicks than he was, which he didn’t like. He was not the type of guy to be dominated.

Sam seemed to be happier around their house, now that Dean was getting out more. He was so damn sick of seeing him lounge around all night after work, indulging in beer, pie and burger’s. It was depressing. But then again he wasn’t finding anyone of interest, which was concerning for the younger Winchester. He wanted his brother to find love already and experiences the kind of happiness he had found with his fiance Ruby.

"Hey Dean?" Sam called out from the hallway.  
  
"Yeah Sammy?" he shouted back, voice low and hoarse with sleepiness.  
  
"Want to go get some coffee with me before I run to Dicks to get some new work out clothes?" He asked standing in the entrance of the living room.  
  
"Probably not." He groaned, eyes glued on his favorite show, Dr. Sexy MD, legs propped up on the coffee table.  
  
"Come on Dean, the whole dating business was to try and get you out of the house in the first place." He said giving him a pointed look, swinging his coat over his shoulder.

"Okay, okay. " he grumbled, "Fine."  He got up from the couch and shut the TV off, grabbing his leather jacket from the rack in the hallway, "But we’re taking my car and I’m driving." He said passing by his brother.  
  
"I’m fine with that." Sam smiled following Dean. "As long as it's getting you off of the couch."  
  
"Good." 

—

 Dean drove to the little coffee shop that sat in the center of town, Sam ordered a coffee with soy milk while Dean ordered a Red Eye: black coffee with two shots of espresso and a slice of pecan pie. They took a small table that sat by the window, he sipped on his coffee slowly while Sam read a news paper.  He sighed folding it back up, placing it down on the table, “So?”  
  
"What?" He asked furrowing his brow in confusion.  
  
"Find love yet?" He asked half joking.  
  
"Dean raised his brow in thought; running his finger’s over his coffee cup, "No, the guys were all dicks." He shrugged.  
  
"But you’re kind of a dick so what’s the issue?" He joked taking a sip of his coffee, seemingly intrigued with what Dean has to say.  
  
"Real funny Sam." He said looking up at the entrance when the small shop’s bell rung, quickly looking down when he noticed who it was. "Give me the paper." He said between clenched teeth.  
  
Sam attempted to turn around, “What why?”  he asked furrowing his brow in confusion.  
  
"Don’t look, just-just give me the paper."  Sam handed it to him and he propped it up in-front of his face, he slowly peeked around the edge looking over at the guy who had just walked in. His eyes were full of curiosity as he peeked from behind it; biting his lower lip.

"Dean who is it?" Sam whispered resting his arms on the table as he leaned forward.

There he was, Castiel Novak, what are the goddamn odds of him seeing him here, _today_?

He was wearing a black leather jacket, dress pants, buttoned down grey dress shirt and a pair of off-brown sun-glasses. Just looking at him caused Dean to turn bright red, heat flooding downwards. He adjusted his pants a bit more comfortably.

Shit, he was equally as hot in person than he was in pictures. Which didn’t seem to help his current situation very much.  
  
"Dean?" Sam whispered again.  
  
"Oh, huh, what?" He asked hiding back behind the paper when Castiel turned around smiling and waving goodbye towards the cashier; exiting the coffee shop.

He pulled down the news paper looking at his brother sheepishly.  
  
"What’s up with you?" He asked eyes full of concern.  
  
"I saw a guy who may have messaged me" he shrugged feeling moderately embarrassed. "He moved here a few months ago, and he asked to go get coffee." he frowned  
  
"So, you’re hiding from a guy who was interested in you?" He laughed "Why? Was he ugly?" He laughed again.  
  
"No that’s the thing Sam, he was….." He sighed. "Never mind." he shook his head feeling red creep across his freckled cheeks.  
  
"Then what’s the problem?" Sam asked not understanding what Dean was trying to say, learning forward sipping his coffee before taking a bite from Dean’s pie, which he didn’t seem to notice.  
  
"Well, he’s a writer, seemingly rich and well, I’m  _me_.” He laughed sadly taking a sip of his drink.

"So? If he messaged you then it mean’s he is interested in you Dean. He messaged you for a reason." He consoled him, "Give it a chance." He said giving him his puppy eyes.  
  
"Sam don’t." He groaned. Sam knew he couldn’t say no to those goddamn eyes of his.

"Don’t what?" He asked making them even more puppy like.  
  
"Goddammit Sam! Fine, fine!" He shouted quietly, "Now are we done here? I’m feeling a bit antsy to leave now." 

Sam smirked and got up, “Yeah, we’re done.”   
  
The two went to Dicks, Sam got his stuff and they were out and on their way back home.

Dean plopped on the couch, “You’re going to call him right?” Sam asked as started towards the library.  
  
"Yeah, I’ll call him." 

He opened his laptop and logged in, noticing he had already gotten a message.

Castiel Novak (online)   
  
 _I saw you at the coffee shop, I would have approached you, but I noticed you had already had a date and judging by your reaction you were not very comfortable with seeing me. I am sorry if I had done anything to make you feel uneasy Dean. My sincere apologies. Have a good day. xoxox_

Dean sighed and took out his cell phone, dialing the number carefully, making sure it was correct before hitting send. It rang three times before he heard a deep charming voice boom over the line. “Hello, this is Castiel speaking.”

He gulped listening to the sound of his voice, and they way he pronounced his name he could hear him better than he had on skype. It practically buzzed in his ears, causing him to forget how to even speak.  
  
"Hi ugh, you asked me to call, to possibly go out and get coffee." he finally mumbled after a few short moments.

"And who may I be speaking to?" He asked playing hard to get, he knew exactly who he was speaking with.  
  
"Oh ugh, right, Dean Winchester." He fumbled around the words. He heard a slight chuckle over the line.

God this was awkward. Dean couldn’t even remember the last time he had to call someone who wasn’t his brother. More importantly, someone he as interested in.

And wait, is he laughing at him?

"Ah the boy hiding from me today." He laughed, seemingly amused.

"Yeah, oh, you noticed me?" He asked feeling like a complete idiot now.  
  
"Mhm." he murmured " I saw that you already had a date." he chuckled again, "Is that why you were hiding from me?" He asked in a pleased tone.

"Oh, Sam?" he chuckled, "Not a date, he’s my brother, the one who convinced me to join that website in he first place." he said feeling a bit more confident.

"Hm, I guess I will take your word for him being your brother."  Dean could hear the faint noise of typing. "Anyways, why are you calling me? Are you up for my offer?"

"Yeah, yeah." Dean giggled, "I-I would love to go out for coffee and get to know one another."   
  
"Swell." Castiel said sounding impressed, "Tomorrow morning, same spot."   
  
"Okay." Dean said.  
  
"Okay. See you then."

Dean didn’t hear anything else, pulling his phone away to see if he had hung up or not, which he had. He rested his back against the couch, leaning his head back, heart thumping deep in his chest, “Holy shit.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Castiel looked at his phone for a while,sitting at his desk, getting ready to finish a paragraph in his novel;  before adding Dean into his contacts.  
  
"Darling?" He called out, not looking away from his cell phone, smiling at the name,  _Dean Winchester_. He put it in his pocket an began typing.  
  
"What?" His fiance peered out from the bathroom door.  
  
"Are you almost ready to go out for dinner?" He asked, typing away on his type writer.

"Yes. I’ll be right out." she smiled at him.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up bright and early, he happily cooked breakfast for him and his brother, whistling away while to one of his favorite songs as he flipped pancakes and scrambled eggs. 

_We got the power, got the glory, just say you need it and if you need it. Say yeah!_

"Smells good." Sam smiled walking into the kitchen groggily, smoothing out his messy hair, "What are you doing up so early, we both know you’re no Mr. Sunshine." He said sitting down at the table. Dean placed a plate full of eggs and pancakes in-front of him. He wasn’t hungry, but he accepted the plate of food anyways.  
  
Dean walked around the other side of the table, “No reason. Just felt like cooking breakfast.” He said sitting across from him.

"Mhm." Sam hummed not buying into what Dean was selling.   
  
"What?" Dean asked taking a fork full of eggs into his mouth.  
  
"You’re dressed, hair done, and I-smell, is that old spice you’re wearing?" He asked as a grin stretched across his face.

He wasn’t use to seeing Dean up so early, let a lone dressed. Usually he was propped up half awake on the couch on early Sunday mornings, hair a mess still sitting in his boxers and T-shirt.  
  
Dean swallowed his food making a slight gulp. “Yeah, why?” he asked looking up at him, creasing his forehead.

"You are going out." Sam said smiling at him as he took a bite of his pancakes.  
  
"What?" Dean shrugged, "Pfft, no I’m not." He said stabbing his food with his fork bashfully, "I don’t know what you’re talking about." He said raising his shoulder’s in defense.  
  
"You called him." He said more of a statement than a question.  
  
"Who?" he asked asking as if he had no idea what his brother was talking about.  
  
"Castiel." He said giving him a pointed look.  
  
"Yeah, so?" He said.

"And you’re going out." He laughed tucking his long brown hair behind his ears. "With him."  
  
"Yeah well-whatever." he hummed taking a fork full of pancakes.  
  
"Good." Sam smiled, "Ruby and I are going out to dinner tonight, you and Cas are welcome to join us." He smiled.

 _Cas_.  
  
He liked the sound of his name shortened like that. He hadn’t even thought of shortening it to a nickname until Sam said it.

Dean pouted, looking up at the ceiling in thought, “I’ll think about it.”

"Ask him, okay?" He said taking another bite.  
  
"Yeah, I will." He frowned looking back towards him.

"Promise?" he asked looking into his brother’s eyes.  
  
"I’ll ask him alright?" Dean snapped.  
  
"Dean, promise." He protested giving him his big puppy eyes.  
  
"Okay, I promise." He got up taking his dish to clean it, "Well, I have to go meet him now."  
  
"Alright, you go have fun. You crazy kid." He laughed.  
  
"Shut up."

—

Dean sat at the booth patiently, casually looking at his watch every few minutes, “This is stupid. He isn’t going to show.” He mumbled to himself as he drank his cup of coffee. He looked around he shop carefully, it was packed, people were sitting at every booth while other’s on the large red couch, most of which were on their laptops.  
  
"Don’t you hate that crap?" Castiel’s voice boomed above him talking about all the teenager’s on their laptops. His voice practically caused him to spill his coffee in his lap, "Oh, sorry for startling you love." He smiled down at him noticing that Dean had been looking at him with a look of distress on his face, clinging onto his cup for dear life as the black liquid sloshed back and fourth.

Did he just call him,  _love_?  His cheeks flushed red forgetting about the little accident that could have just happened.  
  
He looked down at him,bright white smile stretching across his face; light crows feet peeking out from the corners of his bright eyes. His eyes were even bluer in person. He had light stubble that littered his chin and cheeks, stretchering downs to his jaw.

"Castiel Novak." He smiled putting out his hand. Dean stood up taking it, to which he lifted his hand up kissing the top. Dean blushed furiously, "D-Dean Winchester." He replied.

"I know." he winked at him benevolently.

Castiel  nodded; taking the seat opposite of the one Dean was sitting in. He sat back down, looking at Castiel coyly, his heart pounded and his hands began to sweat. He gulped, which he was sure Castiel heard because he chuckled slightly. “I am happy you decided to take me up for my offer.”

"Yeah, I am too." He smiled nervously, hands shaking. He watched Castiel’s eyes look down towards his shaky hands.

Why the hell was he so nervous? This wasn’t like him at all; flustered and all jumpy as anxiety sat deep in his chest; making it hard to breath. He loosened the collar of his shirt shakily hoping it would help with dulling the lump forming in his throat. And the way Castiel was looking at him he was positive he knew.  
  
"No need to be nervous love, I won’t bite." He chuckled "Unless you want me to." He said looking at him, eyes screaming lust. Dean gulped, loud enough that he was sure Castiel heard, which his reaction showed he had. Chuckling lightly, "Relax Dean." he said smoothly, "Remember I asked you out, I should be nervous about you, I mean you did blow me off for months."  
  
"I know, I am sorry, I am just uneasy." he said looking back up at him.

Castiel raised his brow and nodded as if to say, ‘continue.’ 

He had never felt this way in the presence of anyone in his whole life Dean’s stomach twisted in knots and was having trouble gathering his thoughts.

Castiel was making him feel things and he wasn’t sure how to cope with them. Sure he has found men attractive in the past, he has had sex with them, so he was not new to that. He was just a bit nervous, he had never been interested in a man more than just a one night thing. Nor has he ever been on a date before, this was so new, exciting and scary.

"I am interested in you, which, makes me feel uneasy." he admitted.  
  
The dark haired man nodded, "What makes you feel uneasy?" He asked folding his hands over the table, leaning slightly, giving Dean his undivided attention. 

"I don’t know, you’re so,  _you_. And I am so,  _me_.”   
  
He furrowed his brow in confusion, “Give me something a little more clearer Dean.”

"Okay." he took another sip, dampening his dry mouth. "You’re a published writer, and judging you by the looks of it you seem very proper and professional. While I am just a grunt, I go day to day doing what I need to do in order to pay rent." he took a deep breath, "You have it all figured out. Me? Not so much."

Castiel pressed his lips together in thought, "So, you don't know me and you are already judging me?" He asked with a sly smile, more amused than upset.  
  
"No, I don't mean it like that, I just don't understand how someone like you could be interested in someone like me. You are perfect, while I am sort of a mess." He ran his hand through the back of his hair nervously, "You have a set career, things figured out and I don't."

Castiel nodded understanding him, "Well Dean, if it makes you feel any better I am most definitely a mess also."

Dean shook his head, "I am not use to this whole dating thing. So I am nervous, I guess that's why I am making excuses"  he stated calmly.

"So you are afraid that I will hurt you?" He asked.

Dean nodded, "Partially because of how I am and my past and because I am not use to dating, so I don't really know what to do."  He sighed rubbing his forehead, this was not going as expected, "So well I thought…"

"That I was a stuck up asshole?" He asked putting Dean off guard with his choice of words. "I mean, I may look like one, but I am not, and to think that you assumed something like that honestly hurts Dean." He put his hand over his heart an pouted jokingly.   
  
Castiel looked at Dean more seriously than he had before "Look, I like you, I don't care about your past, nor do I worry about the present, all that should matter is how we make our future, and I would very much like to see you more than just this one time. So with that being said, what ever you are telling yourself, stop. Because I am sitting across from a man who I would very much like to know. Don't let your doubts get in the way of us creating something magical."  
  
"Well, yeah I kind of did assume you would be an asshole." he admitted, "And someone who would hurt me, and I am intimidated by the fact that you are more successful than I am. Which is why I didn’t call you when you sent the message." 

"And has your mind changed at all since then? After everything I had just said?"  
  
"Yeah, surprisingly it has." He smiled more calmly.

"Then it looks like we are on the right track for date number two." he said licking his lips slowly, biting it at the end.  
  
He swallowed hard, “Yeah, looks like we are.” He replied.  
  
The brunette looked into his eyes, smiling before he took a sip of his coffee.

 —

The morning went well, Dean had told him that he and his brother live in a large house passed down from generation to generation, which Sam calls a bunker and Dean refers to it as the ‘Bat Cave.’ He had also told him that his brother Sam was engaged and getting married next year in the fall, he offered for him and his fiance to live with him, considering how much room they had but they politely declined.

He told Castiel it was probably the reason Sam was so adamant about him going out and dating.

He told him about his mother’s death, how she died when he was six and since then he had been taking care of his brother, which explains why they are so close. Along with the death of his father, the three of them were struck by an eighteen wheeler heading home helping their father out with a job when he was twenty-one landing Dean and a coma and his father brain dead. Of course he didn’t give him the full details. That’s something he still isn’t okay with talking about with just anyone yet.

Castiel had told him about his house, how it was right up on the beach and how he wanted to get a kitten soon because he got lonely at night.He was very enthusiastic when he talked about the ocean, how the waves calmed him down when ever he was upset and that he collected seashells. Dean found that rather cute.

He also told him about his family that he comes from a large one three older brothers, Lucifer, Micheal and Gabriel and a younger sister Anna. He told him he had written three novels and is working on his fourth, all of which were published and the fourth he gets the check when it is finished. He told him it was a better version of twilight, with a lot of smutty scenes, to which Dean chuckled, replying with the fact that he very much enjoys reading smut.

Dean asked him out to dinner with his brother and Sam, and surprisingly he accepted it. Considering where they lived was out of town for him he decided he would stay in a hotel, in case it ran late and if he ends up drinking. He told Dean he tends to get a little tipsy off of wine, even if he only drinks a glass.

"So, you’re house at six?" Castiel asked walking Dean out of the coffee shop and into the rain that was pelted the earth in large thick droplets. He was to busy staring at Castiel all morning he hadn’t even noticed it started to rain.  
  
"Yeah, will you have any trouble finding the place?" he asked pulling his leather jacket over his shoulder, pushing his arms through.  
  
"I am sure I will find it alright." he smiled at him, he was rather close to Dean, showing no signs of knowing what personal space was.

Water dripped off of his dark hair and down the stubble of his face, tracing around his lips delicately. Dean licked his lips which had become oddly dry considering it was raining. 

His vision was slightly blurred due to the water that was dripping off of his long lashes, he hadn’t even seen Castiel lean forward, not until his lips were on his own, pressing up against his lips tentatively. His lips were warm and soft, just like he assumed they would be, accept, they were more than that when he realized sparks were flying up his spine and his head was spinning as his heart picked up, beating faster, he hadn't even noticed he stopped breathing the moment their lips touched.

Dean shut his eyes and moving his shaking hand up to Castiel's wet cheek before he kissed him slowly.

 

 

He had no freaking idea what had just come over him, here he was kissing Cas in the rain! How very cliche'.

  
Castiel pulled away slowly, large smirk on his face and Dean sighed. "Alright, see you later." He smirked getting into his 67 Chevrolet impala awkwardly. He had almost tripped over his own feet backing away from Castiel.

"See you then." Castiel called out laughing at how worked up Dean had just become.


	2. Heaven or Hell

 

"Abby?" He frowned entering his home, he would have rather been back with Dean then back in this hell.

"Are you home?" Still no answer, he wrinkled his brow in confusion he looked in the bedroom and she wasn't there, then the living room, still no sign. He sighed hanging his jacket up heading towards the kitchen, he was about to leave to his office when he noticed there was a note on the table. 

_I am going to be spending the night at my sister’s. We decided to go dress shopping tomorrow._   
_So I will be coming home late the following evening._   
_Don’t wait up for me._   
  
_Love, Abby xoxo_

He felt this connection with Dean, the type of connection that made him excited, knowing that very well this could be the  _one._ Now he knows not to get too ahead of himself, it was just a thought. Dean was cute, and shy. Which was a characteristic he falls hard for. Except he had one thing to worry about, and it's name was Abaddon. He is done lying to himself and everyone else, she didn’t deserve someone like him, and he was tired putting up with the abuse. Besides, he’s gay, one-hundred percent gay. Man on man, dick, come, balls, anal sex, the whole shebang. I mean, he couldn't even get hard with Abaddon anymore, unless he thought about fucking a guy. Which is why he preferred doggy-style, and she never seemed to mind that.

Castiel sighed with relief, happy to be able to avoid lying to her about where he was going again. He use to love her, he really did, he just wasn't in love with her not then not even now. He was more so afraid of her. At first things went smoothly but after they had moved in together he learned who Abaddon really was. But this time he wasn't going to let her ruin it, he was going to make this work, he was going to leave her and finally be happy for once in his life.

This was the first person he had actually been able to even think about being with in a really long time. Not since Balthazar, the man who betrayed him and left him with Abaddon. He had even told her about the affair, which only lit the flame to the already building abuse. Instead of it being verbal she became psychical, and she hasn't stopped since.

He had tried leaving her several times but she had told him unless it's for someone else not to bother with it, because he would  _always_ come crawling back to her, she wasn't pulling it out of thin air either. It was true, he always went back to her, time in and time out. Despite all the crap she did to him. It didn't make any sense why would he stay with someone so abusive, especially since he wasn't even attracted to women.

Castiel guessed it was just because she was a false statement of comfort. He was so afraid of never finding love and being alone that he had settled for the worst, and he hated himself for it. For staying with her, for letting her do this to him time and time again. He never deserved it, and finally he was seeing that.

Now all he had to hope for was being good enough for Dean.

—

His house was an hour away from Castiel, finding it wasn't easy, but he luckily made it in one piece. He parked his car outside of his house, squinting to see if it were the correct one before getting out.

He walked up the dirt drive way; which was unfortunate to walk on since it had rained earlier. He  headed towards the large double-doors in the front of the house. It was large, a lot bigger than his beach house was, he raised his brows impressed. “Not bad Winchester.” he found himself susurrate. 

Dean opened the door he was wearing black dress pants, a dress shirt with blue and while stripes that ran down it vertically. Topped with a red tie and black suspenders and an over coat. His hair was parted on the side, not looking like he had worn it earlier. The wind blew, blowing the scent of Dean’s cologne in his direction, he shivered slightly at the scent, he smelt so good; and seeing Dean in a suit caused all sorts of inappropriate thoughts to run through his head.

"Yeah, I know." he frowned straightening out his jacket once he noticed the look on Castiel’s face, he knew exactly what he was thinking, "I clean up well don’t I?" He said in a cocky tone wiggling his eyebrows.

Castiel smirked followed by a small chuckle, "Yeah you look handsome." He lightly touched Dean's suspender's.

"Well you don't look too bad yourself Cassy."   
  
Castiel raised his brow as if to say 'really?' and Dean shrugged it off.

"My car or yours?" He asked. 

"Separate? You just lead the way, this way I can head to my hotel without any issues later." He smirked at Dean.

"But if you get drunk off of wine, I am driving you to the hotel, okay?" Dean winked.

"Okay." 

 —

Dean found Sam and Ruby rather quickly, he introduced Castiel to them both, before sitting down to start their meal. The restaurant was rather, proper. Something Dean was no where near being comfortable with, he was more of a burger and pie kind of guy.

But Cas, man, he fit like a charm, hitting it off with Ruby right away.

Ruby asked him what his books were about, and he explained it clearer than he had with Dean, his books reached top ratings and that he was working on a new addition. Ruby became excited at the thought, she loved Castiel's books, they were the perfect mixture of horror and romance. He was happy he wasn't famous considering he was living a secret life, the last thing he needed was for the media to come into the picture exposing him to the world. Which is why he was happy that his books weren't very famous, yeah he made a lot of cash but no one really knew who Castiel is, and no one made an effort in finding it out either, which made things a lot easier for him. 

Sam and Dean would often find themselves smirking to one another about how well everything was going. After living together for the past Twenty-five years of course they picked up on some type of telepathic language. 

The night went by quickly and was coming to an end, he noticed Cas wasn’t lying about getting tipsy on one glass of wine, and sure enough, he drank three making him fairly close to being plastered.

Dean took Castiel’s bags out of his car as him and Ruby exchanged goodbyes.  

They figured out the driving situation rather quickly, Sam would drive Castiel’s car to his hotel, Ruby would follow behind, and Dean would drive Castiel in his impala. 

They finally arrived at the hotel, it was a short twenty minute ride. Dean didn’t mind it, all Cas was doing is singing along to songs that played on the radio, which made Dean laugh. Singing was not his strong-suit.

—

"It was nice meeting you Castiel." Sam smiled before getting into the car with Ruby. 

"It was a pleasure to meet you too Sam. I am sorry I drank to the extent I had." He slurred, still keeping up with his proper ‘accent’. Dean found it rather amusing. 

"It’s alright Castiel, I am sure I will be seeing you around more, correct?" He asked opening the passenger seat.

"Correct." He responded looking over to Dean for approval, he nodded.

Castiel watched them drive off, “They are good people, so, so much love between them.” Cas gushed, holding his hand over his heart.

"Alright, come on Romeo." Dean joked taking his bags. 

They walked side by side, not saying a word to one another until they reached the hallway his room was on. It was a pretty hotel, red carpets, white walls with gold trimmings, how much money Castiel had made him feel a but uneasy, but he could get over that eventually.

Dean was walking close next to him, holding his bag. “So, why do talk like that?” Dean blushed across his face when he had realized he had said it ruder than he had intended to. But Cas didn’t seem to mind.

Castiel looked at him “Like what?” he asked pretending he had no idea what Dean was talking about by furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Like you have  big ol’ stick up your ass." He smiled lightly, knowing it was okay to pick on the older male by his expression.

Castiel stopped him outside his door “Honestly?”

"Honestly" Dean repeated, putting his bag down, he had realized the seriousness in the tone of his voice so he stopped joking around and looked into his blue eyes.

Castiel twisted his lips to the side, sighing, “To impress you.” he shrugged.

"To impress me?" He asked pointing to himself in shock, brows raised in disbelief. It really made no sense to Dean, he felt as if he were just a stick in the mud compared to Castiel. Castiel was charming, smart and sucessful. Dean didn't feel as if he weren't anywhere to being as great as Castiel was, he had a past that was so dark and secretive he was sure if he were to tell him he would only be scared off. So, if anything, he should be the one trying to impress him, not the other way around, but here they were, trying to impress one another.

"Yeah I thought you would expect me to talk in an educated manor so I put on this little act, Its something I do with everyone ." He shrugged feeling a bit uncomfortable, and Dean could tell by the grim expression on his face.  "I feel like people expect me to be that way, so I act on what they assume me to be." He lied. 

The real reason behind his language was because of his fiance and her family, they came from a line of rich people who didn’t even have to work, just sit on their ass and take credit for their ancestor’s achievements. They never even had to lift a finger, let alone work a day in their life. While Castiel had to slave away, writing novels to even get to where they were, which was close, but no cigar. He felt the need to act as if he lived a life that way, in order for her family to accept him, which carried on in his daily life.

"So does this mean you’re not so proper." He asked cocking his head to the side.

"Oh Dean baby, I am far from being proper."  he smirked sinfully.

Dean gulped, the last time somebody looked at him like that he got laid. 

"Well, I won’t keep you any longer than I have." Dean smiled, fixing his jacket; oddly uncomfortably. 

Castiel nodded, “Yes, it is quite late, and you should be getting home.”

He smiled weakly, “Thank you for driving me.” He moved closer to Dean, seemingly to forget about personal space, again.

"You’re welcome." he stammered, noticing how close he was. He could smell him and feel the heat radiating off of his body, and Castiel began to lean in.

Dean smirked, leaning in slightly too, looking into his blue eyes through his thick lashes.”I don’t normally kiss on he first date.”   
  
"Well, Winchester." Castiel began, "This technically is our second date; and besides we already have kissed." he whispered, pulling on Dean’s suspender’s lightly causing him to move closer. 

Dean licked his lips, he was so close; and this time he was ready for the kiss. 

He closed his eyes, brushing his lips up against the other’s, his heart nearly jumping out of his chest. “Hmm, I guess you’re right, Novak.” 

"Mhm." 

He placed his hands on the hips of the dark haired male, kissing him,. swarms of butterfly’s filling his gut; he had the softest lips he had ever felt.

Dean parted his lips allowing Castiel to slip his tongue into his mouth. So he took his time, feeling every curve of his mouth. He tasted of red-wine and the warmth radiating off of them was enough to cause him to go stiff below the belt. Normally he would have gotten worked up that easily, there was just something about Castiel, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He pulled him by his suspenders closer, the very act caused Dean to feel heat flood downwards, as he carted his hands up his back. Teasing the inside of his wet mouth with his tongue, he tasted so good. Castiel let go of his suspenders and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling at the thin fabric of his shirt.

"Mmm." Cas murmured against his full lips, slowly sliding his tongue across the other’s bottom lip, as he slid his hand downwards and squeezed his butt, pulling away from this kiss slightly backing away to take his bag, slipping his hotel key in, "Call me later?” he asked.

Dean pouted slightly he didn’t want to stop kissing him, but he got the hint and smiled at him. Castiel was tired, and horny even as far as he could tell. He just wished Cas would pull him into his room and fuck him senseless instead. 

"Of course." Dean smiled watching him shut the door behind him.

—

Dean didn’t want to seem to eager but he couldn’t help it, the second he got home he called him. He wanted to hear his voice again, he had such a beautiful low voice, listening to him was like the way Fall makes him feel, warm, content and happy. It was strange how happy Fall could make him, it was a season where everything was dying, but it was so goddamn beautiful at the same time. It was the perfect hoodie weather and bonfires. Not too hot and not too cold, just right, for cuddling and everything. He found it to be a very romantic season, and it was weird for Dean to even be thinking about or using the term 'romantic.' I guess when you find a guy you could actually connect to it made you feel such strange and invigorating emotions, and to be honest, he could very well get use to something like this.

"Hello?" Castiel answered seemingly out of breath.

"Hey, its me." He chuckled, "Dean."  
  
"Mmm, I thought I recognized that sweet voice of yours." He panted, and Dean raised his brow, before creasing it as he listened to the heavy breathing coming from the other end.

"Everything alright?" He asked concern showing in his voice as he walked down the hall and into his bedroom, "You sound out of breath." He pointed out.

Castiel grunted, “Yeah baby, just thinking about you.” He moaned. 

 _Oh_.

Castiel must have adjusted the phone because now Dean can hear every single little provocative moan that was coming out of Castiel’s mouth. Castiel is fucking touching himself.

"Oh shit, sorry, do-do you want me to call you back later?" He asked stumbling around his own words, he didn’t want to ‘disrupt' him. 

"Mmm, no." He hushed, "Keep talking to me." 

"Okay." He said lying down on his bed, listening to how wrecked Castiel sounds already

Castiel let out another moan, “I can’t stop thinking about the outline of your cock.”  He hushed, “When I pulled away I couldn’t help but get a glimpse, and damn baby, you’re packing.” 

Dean could feel blush creep across his cheeks, “You-you saw that?” 

"Mmm, yes." His voiced hitched, "Damn I want you deep inside of my tight little ass Winchester." 

Dean gulped, heat spreading downwards. Did he just hear what he thought he heard?

Moments passed and neither of them had said anything, he listened carefully to the sound of him gliding his hand over his hard-on.  He licked his lips, wanting, needing to touch him.

“Dean.”

“What?”

“Touch yourself,” Castiel commands, causing him to become fully hard.

"I think I could manage that." Dean finally murmured, taking out a bottle of lube from his night stand, he squeezed a bit into his palm and snaked it over his hard-on.

Dean could clearly hear the sound of Castiel's hand sliding smoothly over his cock in a quickened pace and the little whimpers that are escaping his perfect mouth. 

"Tell me what you would do to me if you were here right now." Castiel moaned.

"I would get on top of you." he began, slowly stroking his cock. "And I would kiss down that sexy little body of your’s, down to your cock, and slowly tease you with my tongue." His eyes widened in disbelief of the foul things that just came out of his mouth. 

"And how would you do that?" He panted.   
  
"I would slide my tongue over your slit, before taking you deep into my throat, humming around your length as a suck your cock."  He slid his hand over his length in a quicker pace. 

“Slow, go slow,” Castiel growled knowing Dean had quickened his pace and Dean whimpers in response.

Dean slows down the speed of his hand, tortuously slow; every stroke sending a jolt of pleasure down his spine. His eyes slam shut and little pleading sounds erupt from his throat.

"Mm, want to know what I would do to you?" He hushed moaning into the phone.  
  
"Mhm." Dean grunted as he thrust his hips, fucking into his palm slowly, listening to Castiel moan louder than he had been before.

"I would bend your sweet ass over and take you from behind, hitting that sweet spot until I have you screaming my name." He grunted "Would you like that?" He asked. 

"I would love that." He groaned throwing his head back into the pillow, body aching for release.

"Okay, you can go faster now." He hushed, and Dean did.

"Fuck Cas, I want you, I want you right now." He moaned arching back gripping his pillow as his phone rested against his shoulder. "Fuck." he panted as he grew closer to climax. Heat flooding over his body, as he bucked his hips into his hand. "God, I want you to bend me over and fuck me hard." He practically screamed into the phone.

Castiel’s voice hitched “Mmm, baby that’s it, come with me.” 

Castiel is panting now and Dean can hear the rustling of sheets, which means Cas is probably thrusting his hips into his hand. He starts repeating his name over and over again, “Dean, Dean, Dean.” then he became incoherent, muttering phrases that he could barely make out.

He comes with a shout of his name. Dean is sure of it.

The head of his cock began to swell as he was nearing climax; moaning and grunting into the phone.   
  
"That’s it baby." His voice was low and sinister, "Come for me." And he did, screams of profanity rushed out of his mouth like tidal waves, causing him to arch his back so far he swore he was about to snap it in two. He went silent for a while, body twitching as he came down from climax.

"Dean?"   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Goodnight, see you later?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah Cas." he panted, "See you later."


	3. Played

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, signs of abuse

A few weeks passed and he hadn't heard from Castiel, which he shrugged off as if it were nothing. But him and Sam both knew it had been effecting him. He was on his laptop, dark blond hair a mess, sticking up in every which way, and surprisingly it seemed to suit him fairly well. He was talking to a guy from town on e-Harmony, although he wasn't interested.

Dean wasn't the type to be 'hung up' on someone like this, but I mean, a guy like him, he isn't exactly Castiel's type. And he knew it. He thought Castiel was different, but, the absence didn't made it appear that way. He wore sweater's and vests, khakis and dress pants, and well make leather jackets. Unlike he did, wearing plain old T-shirts and ripped up jeans. And his leather jacket? Just an old coat passed down from his dad.

Maybe Castiel was the being stubborn and Dean had to be the one to shoot him a text or phone call first. But then again, he wouldn't know what to say. He wasn't the dating type, he would just hook up and ditch out. Leaving the person a confused mess after he was finished with them. I guess you could say Dean was a user, and the reason this whole Cas situation was bothering him because he was treating Dean exactly how he treated women, and now occasionally men. Maybe that's all he was to Castiel, someone he could fuck, or, try to fuck. 

There was a knock on the door but ignored it, Sam was already on his way to answer it anyways.

God he felt like such a chick,I mean come on, Castiel had him wrapped around his little finger since the moment he saw him, if he were to walk in here right now of course he would forget all of this and forgive him. He barely knew him and was already whipped; pictures making him hard, hiding from him in the coffee shop like a teenage girl would do if she saw the man or woman she was crushing on. Becoming flustered on dates only to call him as soon as he got home afterwards, and here he was now, thinking about him, again.

"Man up Dean." he mumbled to himself.

"Why? Are you wearing makeup or something?" Castiel's voice boomed behind him, as he turned the corner to sit on the couch next to Dean. He leaned over peaking at his laptop, "He's cute." he commented causing Dean to slam his laptop shut.

There Castiel was in his house. His damn _house._

"Who? What?" he mumbled turning bright red, acting as if he just got caught cheating, which was silly. They weren't even together.

"The hot piece of ass you're talking to." Castiel raised his brow at him, "You got over me rather quickly." he smirked.

Dean rolled his eyes, he had no right just stopping over here like this, especially after not talking to him for weeks.

"What are you even doing here?" Dean snapped, clearly showing Castiel how annoyed he was with him.

And just like that Castiel's lips were on his, giving him a soft kiss. It took him a moment before he returned the kiss. All the doubt and anger fading from his face.

"Ooo, touchy touchy." Castiel laughed as he pulled away, "I haven't heard from you, which I see why now." He smirked pointing to his laptop, brows raised with slight smirk on his lips.

 _Shit_.

This whole time he had been waiting for Dean to be the one to call. He blushed looking at him, face pulled into that weird expression, it made him feel warm inside. "I was waiting for you to call." Dean blushed even redder.

"I thought so. " Castiel giggled, "So I decided I would pay you a little visit." He said afterwards, touching Dean's cheek in a gentle movement.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Yeah well I would appreciate if you called ahead of time." Dean said ruder than he had meant to sound while trying to fix his hair. But Castiel slapped his hand away; Dean looked up at him in shock as if to say 'what he hell?'

"Leave it, it looks sexy, all grunge and what not." He smirked running his finger's through it; messing it up, causing chills to run down Dean's spine."Messy hair is the new in."

"Okay." Dean said agreeing with him, wait a second, why the hell was he agreeing with him?

He was just mumbling to himself about how Castiel was playing him, treating him exactly how he treated other's; like a total dick. And now he was agreeing with him? He really does have him wrapped around his finger. Like a dog begging for a bone.

Castiel kissed his cheek, causing him to flair up bright red. "I missed you." he murmured against his skin.

"I missed you too." He blushed, as Castiel ran his soft hand over his face again; lifting his chin up so that he could kiss him. His lips were so warm, and it made Dean feel sort of funny, so he pulled away; taking his hand away from his face, bringing it to his lips. He kissed his hand softly.

"Are you okay Dean?" he asked, Dean knew he could sense the tension form earlier.

"Yeah, perfect." He smiled, and Castiel nodded.

Sam walked into the living room, "Cas and I are going to go shopping, want to come with?" Sam asked ruining the moment, "Oh." face dropping and turning red when he seen the two cuddled up on the couch.

Hold up, since when did him and Sam become all buddy-buddy; they had only spoken to one another once. They had just met two weeks ago, and now they are going shopping, and asking him if he want to join them? What the hell was going on here? Is he all of a sudden interested in his little brother? So many thoughts were running through his head, but instead of manning up and speaking his mind he cowardice in the corner he decided to push that thought down, Sam would never do something like that to him.

"Yeah, I'll tag along." he smiled weakly, rolling his eyes at how big of a goddamn idiot he was.

Castiel looked up at him pointedly as if he could see the wheels turning in Dean's head. Sam had noticed it too so he left the room, "I'll be waiting in the impala." He called out.  
  
Castiel waited util Dean was out of sight before he began to speak, "What is it Dean? You have been tense since I got here." 

"Nothing." He lied, and Castiel knew it; but instead he shrugged it off.  
  
"Okay, come on." Castiel said kissing Dean on the forehead before he stood up. He took Dean's hands and lifted him up as-well.

\--

The three of them went to a local thrift shop, which seemed like an odd place for Castiel to want to go. He ventured off into the store looking around at all the items, leaving Sam and Dean alone.

"Since when have you and Cas become so close?" He asked looking through the clothes rack.

"I don't know, he stopped by and asked if I wanted to go out shopping with you and him." He shrugged looking at his brother amused by how he was acting.

Dean shot him a look, which had pure jealously written all over it.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, "What?"

"Nothing." Dean said pointing his nose up to the sky, rolling his eyes.

"Dean."

"Nothing."

"Dean, your acting as if you just caught me fucking your boyfriend." he laughed.

"Well, are you?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Why the hell would I mess around with Cas?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe because you've been messing around with both boys and girls since as long as I can remember."

"Dean come on!" Sam whined, "Look at you."

Dean pressed his lips together, turning his face away from his brother.

"Dean seriously, this isn't you, you're accusing me of messing about with _him_ , I am engaged, getting married remember?" he barked, clearly showing he was annoyed now "Jeeze what's gotten into you?"

Sam was right, what has gotten into him? It was so stupid of him to accuse Sam of messing around with Cas, he is engaged. And Castiel doesn't show any signs of being interested in Sam.  
Plus why would it even matter anyways he doesn't own Castiel, they are just dating. Castiel can see and be with whom ever he wants to be with. Sure that makes Dean feel this pang of anxiety and hurt in his chest, but it is his life to live and he wasn't going to stop him even if it did hurt.

Dean sighed turning to him, "Dude, I don't know, I get it, this is not me." he sighed rubbing the back of his neck, "Maybe I am just acting crazy, because I actually like this guy, and well I don't want to fuck it up."

"Don't fuck it up. I have seen how you were in the past and it wasn't pretty." He frowned, "And Cas, he really likes you, I can tell, he puts on this tough guy swag in-front of you, but really he's just as scared."

"Huh?" Dean asked. 'Swag what the hell does that mean?' he thought

"He asked me why you haven't called him, he was worried, thinking you moved on from him and onto the next guy that rolled into town." Dean's heart skipped a beat, he could only imagine what he thought after he saw him talking to another guy. " Dean, he likes you, he really likes you so loosen up."

Dean nodded, "I will."

Dean watched Castiel from across the store, heading back over to them, "I found this interesting shirt." He smiled turning it around and holding it up. It was a plain black v-neck t-shirt with beautiful gold angel wings on the back. "I like wings." he smiled; turning around to go pay for it. Dean and Sam followed, considering they hadn't found anything worth purchasing.

The woman at the check out counter looked at Castiel, furrowing her brow together. "What?" He asked eyes twinkling, curious smile stretched across his face.

"I know you." She squinted her eyes, "Oh, oh, oh!" She beamed, "I met you at a party with Abby last year." His heart jumped in his chest, "How is she?"

"She's great, out on a business trip." He gulped looking over at Dean who was walking over to him.

"When's the wedding?" She asked, he fidgeted with his fingers, looking to see if Dean had heard her, but his face was relaxed, meaning he hadn't. "That will be $35.89 cents."

"Next year." He smiled weakly, handing her forty dollars before running off to Dean and Sam, "keep the change."

 He looked at Dean and Sam walking over to them, "Alright, now your place?" He smiled at Dean, eyes full of worry.

"Yeah sure, c'mon Cas." he said putting his hand over his shoulder in a friendly manner, walking them both out; Sam close behind.

\--

Dean and Castiel were cuddled up on he couch at bunker, a fire was lit in their fire place, illuminating the room into a dim light.

Castiel was drinking a glass of red-wine while Dean and Sam downed a few beers. He held the glass of wine between two fingers, cupping it in is palm. "So, Sam, what do you do for work?" He asked looking over at him.

"Right now, I work with Dean back at our Uncle Bobby's manics shop.'" he smiled "But it's not what I want to do forever, I am going to school to become a lawyer. I am graduating this spring." He smiled taking a sip of his beer.

Castiel nodded, "That's a noble career."  he smiled at Sam "And so is working on cars." He said turning to Dean. 

 "And Dean was a big shot forensic investigator, but now he works full time with Bobby." Sam asked feeling a bit drunk. "Did he tell you that already?"

Cas raised his brows and frowned approvingly. "No I don't believe Dean had."He smiled kindly.

Sams eyes shot up, glistening with happiness. "Dean, he's the best mechanic around town!" Sam said enthusiastically, "You have something wrong with your car and he fixes it, no matter how hard it is." He smiled at Dean who was now glaring at him, "He is a genius when comes to cars." 

Dean noticed him looking down at his lips, before slowly looking into his green eyes seductively, "Not everyone knows how to fix their car when it breaks." His voice was low and smooth, making shiver's run down Dean's spine, despite their warm surroundings.

Castiel was pure sex, the way he looked, the way he talked, and walked. Dean was completely infatuated with him, how he could talk so easily, while he stumbled around his own words. Which, isn't like Dean at all. He was usually the calm and funny guy. Not afraid to crack a joke at any time, but here, with Cas, he was awkward and shy. And he felt all these strange feelings he had never felt before. He was confused, how the hell could one guy just pop up in his life and alter his personality the second he was in his presence.

But could you blame him? Look at him, look at that gorgeous creature sitting besides him, deep blue eyes twinkling in the light of the fire, smooth perfect full lips, his top being slightly larger than the bottom. The way his skin glowed, as if the sun was always kissing it. His brown hair was always in a neat mess, as if he had just woken up and rolled out of bed. The sound of his voice was deep and gruff, it made him shiver every time he spoke. He was....breath taking, and Dean was complete and utterly under his spell.

"Well, it's getting late." Sam said standing up, "and Ruby wants to start looking for a house tomorrow, and I am sort of drunk." He giggled wobbling to his feet. "I should probably get to sleep." He smirked leaving the room with his empty beer bottles. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sam." Castiel smiled, eyes still locked on Dean's green.

Neither of them said anything for a few moments, just looked at each other, and Dean felt suck, It was like he couldn't look away, like Castiel's blue eyes were keeping him in place. Stuck staring into his eyes.

"So," He began, and again Dean noticed him looking down at his lips, "How are you Dean?" He asked, he looked happy on the outside but Dean could see the depression in his eyes. They looked exactly like he had seven years ago.

"I'm great Cas, how are you?" He smiled.

"I had a rough morning, but, spending the evening with you has been delightful." he murmured, taking a sip of his wine before playing it down on the table before them.

Castiel had been giving off their weird vibe all night, he looked sad but Dean didn't dare ask him if he were. And what ever it was, he doubted he would open up enough to share it with him.

                                                  ***

Abaddon woke up that morning packing her bags for her flight to New York City, she had a gig down at a party being thrown in the city, she was already angry and Castiel got stuck with her rage.  
  
"I hate flying." she barked, "I fucking hate it."  
  
"It'll be okay." he hushed, "Nothing bad will happen." He tired to reassure her as he rubbed her back, she shimmied away from his touch.  
  
"Don't fucking touch me you pervert." She hissed; he backed away awkwardly.  
  
"Sorry, I was just trying to comfort you." he said softly, his hands were starting to shake.  
  
"I hate it when you do crap like that, and you know it!" She screamed, "You mean nothing to me, you're just a pretty little trophy husband." She paused, "Well, soon to be." she smiled. 

"I know, I am sorry, I forgot." He mumbled looking up at her, he was intimidated by her. She was taller than he was, and most definitely stronger.

"Of course you forgot, you're brain dead." She yelled, "You're straight up stupid, and might I add, worthless." She smiled at him, standing up after she closed her suit case."  
  
"I know."  he whispered.  
  
"Well good, I am glad you know it."   
  
"I mean really, you think you're going to get someplace writing those stupid novels." she laughed. "You're not going anywhere in life."  
  
That last comment nipped at his skin, "Who bought and pays for this million dollar home?" He asked, feeling rather brave "Because I am positive it's not your lazy ass."  
  
She turned to him, eyes black with anger, "Excuse me?"  
  
"You heard me." He yelled, he can't be afraid, not this time.

"You stupid fool." she shouted punching him in the stomach she grabbed him by his hair, "Don't you dare talk to me like that!" She boomed, "I came from riches, and you came from rags." He flinched in pain as she gripped his hair.  
  
"Stop." He pleaded "I'm sorry, I'm stupid." He whimpered, "You're stronger, smarter."   
  
Her face lightened and she let go, kissing him softly, "That's my boy."

                                         ***

"Well, I am sorry you had a rough morning," Dean breathed, moving closer to Castiel, "Would you care to talk about it? I am all ears."

"Mm, no baby, I would rather keep my mind off of it," He hushed, placing his hand on the other's inner thigh, he felt hthe heat of Castiels hand burn through his jeans, "help me forget it for a while?" he said looking deep into his eyes as he rubbed his thigh slowly, gently messaging him.

Dean's breath hitched, letting out a small whimper feeling Castiel's touch, which he seemed to enjoy seeing Dean like that, crumbling beneath his hand. "Is that a yes?" He asked closing in on Dean's neck, kissing it softly, before he sucked a bruise into his skin. Dean's hands immediately grabbed Castiel's shoulder's, breathing heavily, cock twitching in his jeans. Castiel kissed up his neck slowly pressing his tongue to the elder Winchester's skin, tracing it up his neck. He bit his earlobe gently, causing Dean to become rigid. His hot breath blowing over his ear making him come undone.

This was Castiel's protection, the only way he knew how to feel loved. And right now he needed to feel wanted, he needed to feel like he was worth something; and the only way he could feel that was by becoming physical with Dean, or anyone in a matter of fact. The only time he ever felt like someone truly loved hi was when he would have sex. He knew he had to work on that if he wanted a stable relationship, but right now that didn't matter. He was depressed and wanted to touch Dean.

"Cas." he choked out, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest, pre-come soaking his boxer's.

"Shhh, it's okay baby, I'm going to take care of you." He whispered in his ear, making Dean's heart jump even more. "Let me take care of you." He hushed, and Dean nodded.

He pushed Dean back so that he was laying, as he slowly pushed Dean's shirt up, just enough to where he could kiss his skin. He trailed his tongue over his abs slowly, fire illuminating Castiel's face as he kissed down his body towards his groin.

Dean was panting, wanting, needing Castiel. But, he was too scared to make a move, he hadn't been with anyone like this in years, and, something about Castiel made him forget how to move or speak; so instead he lied there, watching Castiel unbutton his jean's carefully, looking up at him, pupils blown out full of lust.

He slipped Dean's boxer's down, causing his cock to spring up.

He needed to be touched.

Castiel slowly wrapped his finger's around is length, palming him tortuously slow; causing shock-waves down Dean's spine, sliding his thumb against his slit when ever he reached the head of his swollen manhood.

_Fuck_

Castiel looked up at him hungrily, "Do you want me?" He asked voice dripping with lust, all Dean could do is nod, unable to do or say anything. "I want to hear your say it." He spoke in a low gritty tone. He unzipped his pants and took out his own hard-on, palming it along with Dean's. He needed to hear that someone wanted him, that Dean wanted him.

"I-I want you." Dean stuttered, moaning around the words, licking his lips slowly as he looked down at him, noticing Cas had taken his dick out and was now touching himself. His breath hitched.

"Say it, louder." He demanded, barely moving his hand over Dean's cock. He was driving him insane with need, heat bubbling up into his stomach, he needed to come.

"I want you." he growled, words clearer than it had been before, and with that Cas took him in his mouth. Dean gasped and arched his back, as he wrapped his lips around his cock, carting his tongue up his length. He fucked his hips up in response, and Castiel pushed them back down, before he gripped his own erection once more palming himself as he moaned around Dean's cock.

_Holy shit._

Dean didn't know where to look, or what to touch, he was frozen in pure bliss looking down at Castiel work him over with his perfect wet and warm mouth. He could feel his soft tongue brush across his slit every time he moved up, giving all his attention to his swollen gland. Waves of pleasure swarmed through his body as heat began to bubble up inside of him spreading down wards, he wasn't going to last. 

_Fuck._

He was going to come. "Cas." he moaned, "Cas." His voice got louder, practically screaming and he was sure that Sam could hear him, but he didn't care, fuck Sam. "Fuck. Cas." he screamed arching his back and gripping the couch in closed fists.

Castiel quickened his pace, around both his and Dean's throbbing erection, moaning as he whorled his tongue over his cock.

He felt the vibrations of Castiel's moans, sending over the edge, screaming his name and mumbling profanities as he came into his mouth.

Castiel's breath hitched, spilling hot sticky release into his own palm, followed by a struggled grunt, as he swallowed continuing to suck him through his climax.

Dean's heart slowed down and Castiel pulled away; looking up at him, smirk running across his lips looking over the panting and completely wrecked Dean Winchester sprawled out on the couch before him.

"We should do this again." he murmured, voice low and husky as he kissed Dean's stomach.

"Yeah," He breathed, voice sounding absolutely wrecked. "we should."

\--

Castiel got up from the couch as Dean buttoned his pants back up, he watched him move over to the record player Dean had next to the fireplace. "Do you have any records?" He asked not looking at him. 

Dean found it odd how he switched from practically having sex to asking about records, but he brushed it off.  
  
"Yeah, box under the T.V stand" He said sitting up.

Cas got on his knees and took out the brown box of records, and Dean sat behind him, looking over his shoulder. "You have a lot of classic rock." He smiled taking out a Blue Oyster Cult record. "I like this band."   
  
Dean smiled, "It's one of my favorite bands." he smirked taking it from him. He put the record on to 'Burning For You'. "This one is my favorite, other than Don't Fear The Reaper."

He sat back down next to Castiel as he looked through them, humming along to the song. He was so beautiful, Dean couldn't help but find the urge to kiss his neck. Castiel shivered under the kiss, smile creeping across his face. "I'm burnin' I'm burnin' I'm burnin' for you." Dean sang against his skin, he leaned back grabbing the wine and beer from the table. He handed Castiel his wine glass, while he took a sip of his beer as he ran his hand down Castiel's arm.  
  
"I've always wanted to have sex in-front of a fireplace." Castiel said drinking his wine, "It's romantic and hot."   
  
Dean nodded, agreeing with him.  
  
"Maybe once Sam is gone and we can have this place to ourselves for a night." He smiled at him. "Or even at my place sometime."  
  
"I don't know, I mean, we did just get away with _that_ , didn't we?" He asked feeling very brave as he leaned closer, kissing his neck, leaving behind little bite marks.  
  
"That's true." Castiel hushed.

The song ended and Fire of Unknown Origin  began playing, Dean got up pulling Castiel with him. "Dance with me." He smiled, "A fire of unknown origin took my baby away!" He screamed drunkingly.

The two danced like idiots, laughing and giggling with every movement. Castiel had never been so happy in his life and he was sure Dean was happy too.

They danced and kissed their way down the hallway towards Dean's room, falling on his bed, giggling heavily.

"You're awesome." Dean said kissing him tenderly, tasting the wine on his lips.  
  
"And you're wonderful." He said kissing him deeply.

They kissed all night, giggling and rolling around on Dean's bed like a couple of teenager's in love. The both of them have never been so close to someone like this and it was strange and exhilarating all at the same time. Dean was falling in love with him,  he just doesn't know it yet.

"What was your childhood like?" Castiel asked as the laid quietly on his bed.

Dean clenched his jaw and he noticed, "You don't have to." He frowned.  
  
"No, it's fine." He smiled pulling Castiel into his arms, "My dad was a drunk, not around very often, I would be the one taking care of Sammy." He laughed bitterly, "I grew up fast after my mom died."  
  
"I am sorry Dean." Castiel sighed.  
  
"Don't be, what was yours like?" He asked.  
  
Castiel paused for a moment, "I had a happy childhood, I mean we didn't have a lot of money, and barely ate, but I was happy, and loved." 

Dean felt a it of jealously bubble up, he wished he felt 'loved'.  "I love you." Cas hushed barely audible so that Dean couldn't hear him. He wasn't ready to tell him yet, but he really does love Dean.

"Good, you deserve to be loved." He smiled.   
  
"I am surprised you like classic rock." He laughed, "You don't look the type."

Castiel laughed, "A lot of people say that."   
  
"I don't blame them." Dean giggled kissing the top of Castiel's head.

"I don't either." he smiled drifting off to sleep.

 


	4. All Hallows Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begins with a flashback (domestic abuse warning)

"So, how is the novel coming?" Abby asked looking at Castiel from the otherside of their dinner table.  
  
"Swell." He smiled not looking up from his morning paper.  
  
"So, we need to talk about the wedding." She said calmly, sipping from her cup of coffee.

"Mhm." he mumbled.

She go up from the table and walked over to the almost boiling hot coffee pot. "I was thinking we would have it done in the local church."  
  
"Mhm." he mumbled, not looking away from his paper, barely paying attention.

"And the center pieces for the after party red and white roses."  
  
"Mhm."  
  
She walked over to him and poured the red-hot water onto his crotch, he bit out in pain, jumping up from his chair. "Oh look, I finally got your attention." She smirked while he whimpered in pain.

"Was that really necessary?" He cried out.  
  
"Of course it was, you self centered dick!" She hissed, "I was talking to you."  
  
"I know, I am sorry." he whined.

"Oh quit your belly aching, it's not that bad." She laughed at his pain.

Castiel ran towards the bathroom and pulled down his pants, he had second degree burns forming over his thighs, stomach and genital's. He panted, feeling the pain rush over him as the blister's formed.

"I hope you're no too hurt." She said sarcastic from behind the door, "Because, I am kind of in the mood."  she laughed satanically.

He sat on the toilet holding a cold cloth over himself, "I need to get out of here."

\--

The sun shown through his window, lighting up the face of the man laying next to him.  Dean blinked a few times trying to focus in on the face, it was Castiel. He was in his bed, curled up next to him. He nearly forgot how he ended up here with him, surprised that he had spend the night… in his  _bed_ , in his  _arms_.

 Castiel was breathing slowly, resting his head on Dean’s chest, hand slung over his stomach. He looked so goddamn peaceful when he slept. Almost like an angel. Face relaxed, in deep slumber, lips slightly parted as he blew out hot breath on his cool skin, causing Dean’s hair on his arms to stand up and goosebumps litter his freckled skin. 

He was older than Dean by a few years, three in fact, but here, in this moment, he looked a lot younger than Dean was; so full of life and…happy.

Castiel actually looked happy, sure he never looked particularly sad, but he didn't look happy either. There was something fake about his laugh, and his smile, as if he were putting on a show. I mean, that’s what people who suffer with depression do, right? Put on a fake smile for the world and act as if they are okay. 

And Dean could tell, he didn't even have to ask Castiel he already knew, because well, he has been there. Sometimes he still is.

He remembered how Castiel told him about having to put on an act for people, and he was so good at it. Probably because he had years to practice. I mean, that's what depression does to you, right? It makes you good at acting.

Dean never really thought Castiel looked unhappy, but he sure as hell didn't look _okay_ either. Like something was missing in his chest and becoming intimate with Dean was the only way he could fill up the empty space. And the only reason he thinks this way is because when ever Castiel seems the least bit vulnerable he becomes sexual, the phone call, after telling him his most vulnerable secret. The blow job after Dean asked him how he was, which, he wasn't okay. Not at all, as far as Dean could tell.

And what did he want? He wanted Dean to help him “forget.” 

Dean snapped out of his trance when he heard Castiel groan an mumble something, sounding like ‘Good morning’ .

"Hello sleeping beauty." Dean hushed feeling rather confident, but still sad about knowing Castiel wasn't all that happy.   
  
"You’re warm." Castiel blushed pulling Dean close into his arms. 

God he was so vulnerable, and fragile, like a small kitten; despite the fact that he was just as big as Dean was, just a few inches shorter. Fragile, not physically, but mentally. He could be so easily broken, and he could tell, just by looking at him in a moment like this. Castiel put up this strong and witty act but he was just as scared as anyone else is when they find someone that they could very well end up falling in love with.

Falling in love is scary, it happens so fast and unexpectedly you barely have enough time to wrap your head around it. At first you don't even know you are falling in love, there are no signs, no warnings, it just happens. One day you wake up and you look at the man lying next to you and you see how perfect they really are. Sure they may have flaws, but to you those flaws are a grain of sand in this large place called Earth. It is nothing as big as the person is as a whole, they are perfectly flawed, Castiel is perfectly flawed.

And just like that, once you realize that small simple fact, you're stuck, falling like a meteor from the sky, head over heels in love with that person lying next to you. That's what Dean felt. 

Dean hugged him closer.

"I had a lot of fun last night." Dean smiled.

"I like you Dean." he mumbled, half asleep. Dean’s heart jumped, and he was sure Castiel could hear his heart increase with speed. "A lot." he breathed, opening his eyes to look up at him.

"And that scares me." he mumbled, eyes turning ice blue in the sunlight, like the crisp clear water of Lake Tahoe. "And I -" he sighed twisting his mouth and thought, "I guess what I am trying to say is, I have been hurt before, and well I am afraid of it happening again." he frowned, "And I don't want to hurt you either."

Dean could tell by the way he was acting, stumbling over his words that he wasn't use to this kind of thing; openly stating his feelings, putting them out there for people to hear. And by the way Dean was reacting, in a calm way of course; rubbing his back gently, that he wasn't use to such, light reactions. He was looking into his eyes, with a strong hint of anxiety, as if he were waiting for Dean to tell him how stupid he was being for voicing his thoughts.

Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion, “You’re not going to push me away and call me a chick?” he seemed oddly confused.

Dean raised his brows in shock, “No, why would I?” he asked looking down at him.

"I-I don’t know, never mind." he mumbled smiling up at him.

"We can talk about it ya’ know. I won’t judge you Cas." He watched Castiel bite his lip as if he were considering it, but then he pressed his lips together forming a hard line and shook his head.

So Dean dropped it.

A few moments passed of awkward silence before Dean found the courage to speak again.

"Hey?"  
  
"Yes." Castiel smiled pulling himself up to get a better look at Dean,  his eyes were scanning his face for a while now, which he seemed to be counting his freckles.

"I’m having a Halloween party, and I was wondering if you would like to come,"  He twisted his lips to the side, "as my date?" he finished.  
  
Castiel pondered in thought, “I’ll come,” He smiled, “on one condition.”  He teased tapping his chin.

"Okay, what is it?" he asked.  
  
A large mischievous smiled stretched across his face “That it’s a costume party.” 

"A costume party?" he repeated, chuckling at the thought.

"A costume party." He smiled wiggling his eyebrows in a playful manner.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Castiel was happy Abaddon was gone for the week, he felt so much more relaxed and at home with her gone, he just wished Dean were here with him.

He headed down to the beach on this cool autumn morning with his type writer, he sat on a bundle of rocks, feet tucked up underneath him; sitting Indian style, as he finished the sixteenth chapter of his novel.

He smiled as he wrote, feeling the breeze run through his hair, taking in the salty scent of the ocean he grew to love so much. Once he was finished he placed his type writer on his picnic table he had sitting on his patio, before he began scanning the beach for shells. 

He found several beautifully unique ones, most of which had a green tint to them, reminding him of Dean's eyes before he headed back inside his home, making himself a cup of green tea.  His phone buzzed and he flipped it open.

_I miss you -Dean Winchester_

Castiel smiled like an idiot reading the text

_I miss you too- Castiel Novak_

He turned his T.V on and began watching Doctor Sexy, he saw Dean watching the other day, he wanted to get closer to him, so why not watch his silly television show.

_When can I see you?- Dean Winchester_

Castiel felt butterflies swarm up into his stomach, he couldn't believe this is how it felt for someone to actually want you. 

_Tonight? Come over for dinner? -Castiel Novak_

_Okay, see you then.- Dean Winchester_

He ran around his house hiding anything that had to do with Abaddon, which wasn't hard she didn't put out many pictures of them, and she had barely anything around the house. Which he found to be odd.

\--  
Castiel sent him his address telling him to come over at six. He baked a pie and made a few of his famous burger's and fries.He knew Dean liked pie, actually _like_ is an understatement. 

Burger's wasn't what he planned on making but he didn't want to make some kind of romantic setting and make Dean feel uncomfortable.  He took the pie out of the oven and placed it on the table, jumping when he heard the knock on his door.

He walked over to the door wiping his hands on a cloth, opening the door with a large smile but soon turned into a look of confusion.  
  
"I got you this kitten on the way here, he's in bad shape an needs a new owner." Dean pouted holding the small kitten that sat in the palm of his hands. "I remembered you saying you want a kitten." He smiled coyly.

The kitten was orange and had bright blue eyes, indicating that he was indeed young; haven't grown out of his kitten-blue eyes yet. 

"Then why don't you take the little guy home." He teased smiled up at Dean, looking into his gorgeous eyes.

Dean opened his mouth to talk but then handed the kitten to him moving his head to the side while he sneezed into his inner elbow, the cutest sneeze Castiel has ever heard. He shook his head and looked at Castiel holding the kitten, "I am allergic." 

Castiel nodded, he knew Abaddon liked kittens, so this shouldn't be an issue. "Okay, he's cute, what shall we call him?" He asked smiling down at the little guy, it shut its eyes and began purring.   
  
"Awwww." Dean smiled feeling his heart warm up, "Snuggles."   
  
"Huh?" Castiel asked looking up at the smiling Dean.

"Call him Snuggles." He giggled, Castiel rolled his eyes.  
  
"No, that's so, no." he burst into laughing, "Pumpkin." He smirked, "It's almost Halloween and he's orange."  
  
Dean's face lit up, eyes twinkling as he walked into Castiel's home, Pumpkin is puuuurfect." He smirked kissing Castiel's cheek.

His cheeks turned bright red and he looked up at Dean happily, biting his lower lip. God Dean was so cute. 

"Smells great." he smiled walking into Castiel's kitchen, he followed Dean holding Pumpkin in his hands. "Is that.....pie?" Dean asked face lighting up as he went to stick his finger in it.

Castiel smacked his hand away, "Not until after dinner." He smiled, and Dean frowned agreeing with him.

"What kind is it?" He asked smiling wide again.   
  
"Pecan." He smirked, and Dean's face lit up even more, green eyes almost twinkling.

"Do I _really_ have to wait?" he asked in a whiny voice.

"Yes." he giggled walking over to him, he kissed Dean deeply. "I missed those lips." he smiled against his lips.

Castiel pulled away and smiled at him, Dean bit his lower lip, "Then why did you stop?" he winked.

 --

Dean was smiling happily groaning at the taste, "This is the best burger, ever." He smiled happily taking another bite.

"I am glad you're enjoying it." Castiel smiled taking a bite.

 "I thought before the sun sets we could go get some pumpkins to carve." he said cautiously, looking for Dean's reaction.  
  
Dean swallowed and looked up at him, "Yeah that would be great!" He beamed and Castiel exhaled happily, "I haven't carved a pumpkin since, well, ever." He frowned.

"You've never carved a pumpkin?" He asked surprised.  
  
"Yeah well, my dad never believed in Halloween." He shrugged finishing the burger. "He said it was too scary for kids and candy will rot our teeth." he laughed at the memory.

"Oh, well then I guess you're party is going to be the biggest it's been yet." He said happily getting up from the table and taking the dishes, rinsing them before putting them into the washer.  
  
"Cas." Dean said raising his brows at him, "What are you getting at?"

"Well I have a lot of money, and I want to make your party huge." He shrugged taking two plates out for pie.  
  
"No, no way." Dean argued crossing his arms.  
  
"Yes way." Castiel smiled cutting into the pie and placing them on the plates.

"I am not okay with that." He said glaring up at him.  
  
"I don't care if you aren't. it's still happening,  now eat so we can go get those pumpkins." 

Dean took the plate grumpily, instantly lighting up when he took a bite, "Fine, but only because this pie is delicious." 

\--

The leaves crunched under their feet as they walked through the pumpkin patch, they held hands, and Dean could tell Castiel was happy, truly happy.

"I love autumn." He smiled squeezing Dean's hand, "The smell, the leaves, even the temperature is perfect, not too cold and not too warm. " He blushed, "And people think summer is bonfire season, but I disagree, fall is most definitely bonfire season."

"Cas." He smiled.

"What?" he asked turning to him.

"You're awesome." He smiled bending over slightly to kiss him, melting into his lips as he warmth took him over. He rested his forehead against the other's, breathing heavily, "Let's get huge-ass-pumpkins." He giggled taking Castiel's hand, as he ran pulling him down the isle. Castiel ran with, heart beating fast, feeling like a kid again. Something only Dean could do to him.

Dean stopped letting go of his hand to pick up a rather large pumpkin, "How about this one?" His eyes twinkled in the pink and purple sky as the sun was setting, "It's huge." He smiled.  
  
"That's perfect." He beamed also picking up large one ,"And this will be mine." 

They walked side by side to the register, laughing and giggling at how great this night was.

"Hey?" Castiel smiled holding his pumpkin, which wasn't that heavy at all.  
  
"Yes babe." Dean smiled at him.

"I though before we went back to my home we could go on this haunted-hayride." He stated waiting for Dean's reply.

He was quiet for a while, as if he were thinking about his answer.  He was always scared of places like that, always had been, it gave him a bit of anxiety. 

He sighed, "Okay, sounds fun, as long as you hold me." he joked.

He and Sam had stopped hunting years ago, after their father died. But sometimes he still got anxious and scared, he knew what was out there and Halloween was always his biggest trigger, which was why he threw parties. He'd be inside away from all the real monster's and fake ones. He was reluctant about it being a costume party but he agreed anyways, I mean, it would be fun.  And so would  going on a hayride with Castiel. 

"Cool." Castiel smiled.   
  
They paid for the pumpkins and then drove over to the site, it was already dark out, Dean hated the dark, for many different reasons. Mostly because people usually were killed at night.

"Two tickets." Castiel smiled handing the money over to the ticket seller. "Are you okay?" Castiel asked noticing how tense Dean had become. His eyes were scanning the place and he had his hand in his pocket, demon knife ready.

"Yes everything is fine." He lied as they got onto the wooden cart, filled with hay seats.

"It's so nice out." Castiel smiled looking up at the stars.

Dean followed his gaze, humming with agreement. 

The ride started, bringing them through a forest, bloody props were on each side. Worker's dressed up jumped from every which way, and of course, Castiel screamed more than once, but Dean didn't budge. He just wanted it to be over.

"Wasn't that great?" Castielasked getting off, holding Dean's shaking hand.

"Super, awesome." He mumbled walking over to his car.

"Everything okay?" Castiel asked, concerned about Dean.  
  
"Everything is fine." he lied.

The drive felt so long and heavy, and he knew Castiel could sense the tension, "Are you sure?" He asked.  
  
"Huh?" Dean said snapping out of his trance.

"That you're okay?" He said not looking at him.

"Yes, I am sure." He smiled squeezing Castiel's thigh. 

"Okay."

\--

"Ew this is disgusting." Dean whined sticking his hand into the pumpkin, scooping out the guts into a bowl.   
  
"Yes but we will have yummy seeds to snack on." Castiel responded. 

"Ew!" Dean groaned again, "Why would you eat these?" He grimaced at the thought pulling out another wad of goop and seeds.

"They are good, trust me." He giggled, "and I could made you some pumpkin pie." He smirked.

"Now that sounds good." Dean smiled at him while Castiel separated the seeds from the bowl.

"Good I am glad you find that idea pleasant."  He said wiping some guts onto Dean's face.

"Hey!" he swatted his hand away.  
  
"Oh come on you big baby." Castiel joked smearing more onto his cheek.

Dean looked down at his hand in the pumpkin, squishing a wad in his palm, Castiel could hear the sound, he could tell by the face he was making that he was up to no good. Dean raised his brow with a large grin on his face.

"Dean, no."   
  
Dean nodded, still smiling, "Yes." He giggled, "Yes."  
  
"Dean!" Was all he got out before Dean smacked the guts over his face, some of which got into his mouth, he looked at Dean in shock, guts dripping from his face. "Oh, now you're going to get it." He giggled.

Dean giggled as Castiel grabbed some guts throwing it at him, but he ducked laughing at his failed attempted only to be hit in the face soon after. Dean make a face pretending to be angry as he ran at him, almost slipping onto a chunk on the tiled floor. He picked Castiel up and bend down slamming him against the floor in a pile of guts, it squished against his back and he let out a grossed out noise, followed by laughter.

Sure Dean had seen Castiel smile before, but not like this, not at all, and he couldn't get enough of it, so, he began to tickle him. Castiel squirmed on the floor swatting his hands as he rocked back and fourth under Dean,  he was laughing so hard he was starting to become short of breath. "Dean!" he panted, giggling violently. "Dean, pl-pl-pl-please!""Please what?" Dean smiled ticking his ribs.

"S-stop." He laughed, tears falling from the sides of his eyes, which were squeezed shut. He was squirming around in the guts, getting it stuck in his dark hair, he was so beautiful when he laughed. Crinkles forming next to his eyes, and his mouth twisted in a silly grin. Dean loved it, he loved him.

Dean kissed his forehead, "I hate you." Castiel giggled.

Dean smiled, "No you don't." He grinned rubbing his nose into his pumpkin gut soaked cheek. 

Castiel wrapped his arms around his waist, "I know."

Dean pulled away and a wad of guts fell from his hair and landed on Castiel's face, right into his eye, Castiels squinted at him with one eye, "Thanks Dean."  
  
Dean burst into laughter as he removed the wad from his face, helping him up afterwards.

They changed into new clothing and washed their faces along with the floor, Castiel popped the pumpkin seeds into his toaster oven, soaked in oil, butter and salt. He then placed the pie in his oven before sitting down with Dean at the table to carve their pumpkins. 

The kitten jumped on the table smelling the pumpkins, trying to crawl inside of Dean's, "Pumpkin get out of the pumpkin." Dean giggled putting her down as he finished the last detail.

He turned the pumpkin towards Castiel , he had carved his face, neck and chest with large angel wings coming up from behind him.  Castiel smiled, "That is beautiful." He blushed.

"Well you are beautiful." Dean smiled at him. "You're an angel."

Castiel kissed his nose and showed him what he carved, it was a pumpkin patch with two people walking in it holding hands. Dean gasped, "I am dating an artist." He smirked watching Castiel 's face heat up with blush.

\--

Castiel lit a fire as they cuddled up on his couch eating the seeds which Dean didn't think he'd even enjoy. 

"You were right and I was wrong." He frowned taking another handful.

Castiel cuddled up next to him throwing a blanket around them as he turned on the TV, "Horror fic?" He asked, and Dean nodded.

"Night Of The Living Dead." He smirked, "What a classic." he smiled resting his head on Dean's shoulder, listening to him breathe.  
  
"Tonight was perfect." Dean smiled rubbing his arm.

"It sure was." he said pulling himself closer.

Dean had no idea Castiel was the cuddling type, not that he was complaining, he enjoyed it, a lot.  He loved Castiel, really loved him. He hadn't loved anyone like this before. He was sure what he was feeling was love, and he could sense that Castiel felt it too.

The movie ended and Castiel turned on some music.

Castiel sat up swinging his legs on Dean's lap, kissing him deeply, full of love, and not lust like he had been used to doing.

Dean carted his hands up his back under his t-shirt, as he parted his lips allowing Castiel's entrance. Their tongued met and Dean could of sworn Castiel was crying as tears fell onto his freckled cheeks. 

He loved Dean, and all he wanted right now was to make love with him, not sex, not to 'fuck' but to feel Dean, all of him. To have that kind of closeness to him, the kind he hadn't felt in a very long time. He wanted to take care of Dean, and to be taken care of too. 

"What's wrong?" he asked pulling away and Castiel shook his head laying Dean down, "I just want you." he hushed against his neck, kissing it softly while he pulled down Dean's pants."Can I? Is it okay?" He asked.

"Yes." Dean found himself saying, "I want you too." his voiced hitched, "Inside of me." He finished.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked concern showing in his blue eyes as he pulled away to look at him.  
  
"Yes, please." He moaned growing hard from the thought.

"Okay." He found Dean's lips one more, kissing him deep, and hungrily as he pulled down his own pants, Dean lifted himself up a bit .

Castiel pulled out a bottle of lube squeezing it onto his palm warming it up before he slipped a finger into Dean.  He gasped, arching his back, "Am I hurting you?" He asked and Dean shook his head. "No, so good." he panted as he shut his eyes.  
  
He slipped another finger in and Dean grabbed the top of his arms, moaning at the sensation, he hadn't had sex in such a long time, he needed this, he needed Castiel, now. 

"Please." he begged, "I need you."

"Okay." Castiel said tears in his eyes, not because he was sad, but the fact that Dean looked so beautiful, and he actually wanted him back. It killed him inside, the song tangled by Staind began to play on the radio and Dean blushed up at him, perfect timing. 

Dean looked up at him the fire illuminated his beautiful face,he stared at him in awe as the light practically made a halo around his head. He had never seem him look so stunning in these past few months like he did now.

_And in this world, where nothing else is true. Here I am, still tangled up in you ._

Castiel pulled out, placing the lube over his erection, he leaned forward lining himself up with Dean's hole, "Please, Cas." he almost cried.

He pushed in slowly, Dean gasped at the intense feeling of pleasure. He moved inside of him slowly. 

God he felt so great inside of him, "Cas." he moaned, "Oh fuck, so good." His voice hitched. 

_You're the fire that warms me when i'm cold. You're the hand  I have to hold as I grow old. You're the shore when I am lost at sea. You're the only thing that I like about me._

He could already feel himself growing close as he hit his prostate perfectly with every thrust, causing the both of them to gasp and pant against eachother's lips.

"So good baby." Castiel moaned, slowly fucking into him. He could feel himself growing closer and closer to release. 

"I am so close." Dean moaned, arching his back.

"Come with me baby." He panted thrusting into Dean.

That was all he had to hear, sending him overboard into a shaking mess as he spilled out over his chest. Castiel thrust a few more times before he came inside of Dean, collapsing onto his chest.

_I'm still tangled up in you, still tangled up in you._

Castiel kissed him softly, putting all of the love he felt for him into the kiss. He moved the hair from Dean's forehead and kissed him, "You're perfect." he hushed. Castiel took his hand, and lift Dean up, taking him into his room. The two crawled into bed cuddling each other close as they began to fall asleep to the soft sound of the ocean's waves.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Halloween rolled around, the party at the ‘bat cave’ was as crazy as always.

There were strobe lights and fog machines along with various types of movable props. Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger, Micheal Myers. With several hired actors running around dressed as realistic zombies scaring the guests. All thanks to Castiel.

Dean begged him not to put so much money into a silly party but, Castiel being Castiel, he insisted and did it anyways, without Dean’s blessing.

Castiel showed up wearing the cutest cat costume, black skinny jeans, with a black cat tail attached, which was animated. He wore a long sleeved black shirt with big puffy paw gloves and cute little movable cat ears, that was customized to react to the sound of his voice.  Dean could of collapsed right then and there, he looked adorable with drawn on whiskers and a pink little nose, topped off with gold cat-eye contacts.  He smiled at Dean moving his hand in a claw motion, seductively meowing at him, “Pur.” he smirked swaying his head to the music while he drank a wine cooler.  
  
Sam was dressed up as Count Dracula and Ruby as his little blood bank, those two disappeared randomly during the party, which wasn't a surprise they can't ever keep their hands off of one another.

Dean’s best friend Charlie and her wife Dorothy showed up. Dorothy dressed up as….well, Dorothy, and Charlie as Glenda The Good Witch, both costumes with a steam-punk twist, which they both were convinced that Dorothy and Glenda were fucking each other in Oz which is why they dressed up as them.

Castiel met them both, and him an Charlie hit it off really well, they dance together most of the night, while Dean sat in the back over looking the sea of people drinking heavily; more than he should have. He was dressed up as a demon, black contacts and all, he had even bought a cool blade shaped as an animal jaw, he wasn't sure how it fit his costume though.

It was an easy, basic no brainier costume for him. He wasn’t into the whole dressing up thing, at all. 

"Dean this party is great!" Charlie beamed, curly red hair swaying as she bounced, large grin forming across her face making her cheek bones more prominent.   
  
"Well, you can thank Cas for that." He smirked looking across the garage; (Where they were holding the party) he was swaying by himself, eyes closed, sipping on wine. He looked, so happy.

 "How are you?" she screamed over the song playing. (Don’t Fear The Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult)

"I am great Charlie." He giggled, taking another sip. He was feeling pretty  _good_.

Dorothy came up behind Charlie and kissed her neck, “I can’t wait to get you home. ” she smirked.  Dean noticed Charlie blush while she looked at him, his brows raised smirking around his beer bottle.

"On that note, I-I think we’ll be leaving early. " She said turning even brighter red, looking at Dean, who was giving her a pointed look. "Catch up soon?"  Dean nodded, and watched the two love birds make their way though the crowd, kissing and grabbing each other on their way out.

 He fixed his gaze back on Castiel when he heard the soft guitar rifts start playing over the speakers, Castiel looked up catching Dean’s eyes, smiling softly. Dean got up from against the wall and slowly made his way across the dance floor towards Castiel, everyone around him seemed to disappear. Castiel standing in the dim light, darkness surrounding him was all Dean could see. He reached him, taking his hand in his linking his fingers between his own, while his other hand slipped onto his waist, carting over his back. 

The beat picked up, along with the sound of drums.

_So close no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trusting who we are. And nothing else matters_

"Hi." Castiel hushed dropping his wine; letting it crash to the floor, while he wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist.

Dean bit his lower lip, seeing nothing but Castiel, hearing nothing else but his voice and the song that played.

“Hi.”  he whispered back, as he began swaying them both to the music.

Dean began to sing along to the song, his voice in a slow rumble, hitting each key perfectly Never opened myself this way, looking into Castiel’s blue eyes. " _Never opened myself this way_  
 _Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don’t just say_ ”  Castiel shut his eyes, taking in Dean’s soft voice, smile stretched across his lips. “ _And nothing else matters_.”

There he was, dancing with the man of his dreams, and he was falling head over heels in-love. He never planned to fall in love so quickly, they had only known each other a little over a month,  but something about this man made him feel alive. He watched Castiel's hard exterior wither away this past month and it was all because of him.

And he was sure Castiel felt the same way, they were just both too stubborn to admit  it.  
  
Dean kissed him softly, sparks and fireworks filled the air, as if it were their first kiss happening all over again, hand entwined with his, swaying to the soft melody of his favorite Metallica song. It was perfect…. he was perfect.

_Trust I seek and I find in you. Every day for us something new. Open mind for a different view. And nothing else matters_

He carted his hands up the small of his back, kissing him deeply, passionately, full of love.

_Never cared for what they do! Never cared for what they know! But I know!_

_So close no matter how far. Couldn’t be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are. And nothing else matters_

_Never cared for what they do. Never cared for what they know. But I know_

Castiel pulled away slowly, looking up at him through thick black lashes, taking his hand out of Deans and brushing it across his face.  He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but pressed his lips together and shook his head, like he had done the morning he opened up to him. Dean nodded, letting him know it was okay, that he was ready when ever he was.   
  
Castiel bit his lower lip, and began to sing along to the song, looking into Dean’s green eyes, letting him know, this, right here, right now, is exactly how he felt. _"Never opened myself this way. Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don’t just say. And nothing else matters. "_

" _Trust I seek and I find in you. Every day for us something new. Open mind for a different view. And nothing else matters."_   He sang, locking his eyes with the beautiful Dean Winchester’s, as his eyes grew watery. Dean was smiling down at him with a kind of calmness that warmed his soul. He was in love with him.

"Dean, I-I uh…" he stuttered.

"It’s okay you don’t have to."

And Castiel nodded, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder, arms around his neck. 

_Never cared for what they say. Never cared for games they play. Never cared for what they do. Never cared for what they know. And I know_   
  
_So close no matter how far. Couldn’t be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are. No nothing else matters_

"Well, I do, ya know?" He whispered in Dean’s ear, still too afraid to openly say it yet.  
  
Dean smiled, he was content with knowing he loved him too, knowing he did even though he didn’t exactly say it made him the happiest man alive.

He swayed them back and fourth, “Yeah, I do too.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the series we will get into Dean's hunting, and what not, but not in part 1


	5. Abadouche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Domestic abuse

 

Where are you?” Abaddon asked staning in the kitchen looking at Castiel with a suspitious look on her face, hands on her hips.

Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion, “I’m right here.” 

"No you’re not, you are someplace else." 

"Abby, I’m confused." 

"You smell different, you’re barely home," She said walking closer to him, "half the time I know you’re lying about where you’re going." His throat became dry, nervousness settling in. "And you’re not even writing."

She pressed her lips together, he watched her, looking into her eye, red hair set in big curls. She looked like she was about to go somewhere. 

His heart fluttered and jumped, did she find out? But how could she have found out? He had been so careful. Going out of town, for everything. Even when he took him pumpkin picking and everything, it was always an hour away from home.  Maybe he was just being paranoid.

"What is going on with you Castiel?" She protested, "This isn’t like you." She shook her head, brow creasing with anger.  
  
"I know." He said quietly, "I have just been going around town, trying to find inspiration." he lied, and by the look on her expression he could tell she knew it.

"Cas, I saw you with him.”

His heart skipped a beat, looking at her, eyes scanning her face as he tired to read her expression. But her face went blank, no sign of anger, disappointment, nothing.

Abaddon really was a beautiful woman, she had big round brown eyes to die for, always lined with winged eyeliner and big full lashes. She has these perfect doll like lips, pouty an smooth, and always worse a shade of red lipstick. And her hair, the brightest shade of red, it was so vibrant people never believed her when she said she was born with it. She was like the walking poster board for a real-life Ariel.  She even sang for a living.

"Who?" he finally said as his stomach did jumping-jacks.  
  
"I don’t know who, why don’t you tell me who he is?" She said looking down at him, she was slightly taller than he was in the high-heels she was wearing. And he wasn't particularly short, he was an average 5'10, she was just, tall.

"Dean, he’s a friend." he lied, hoping that she would believe him, but by the look on her face he knew it was no use.

"A friend?" She repeated, "And why haven’t I met, this ‘friend'?" She asked furrowing her brow, anger settling on her kind face.

He gulped. Maybe he should just come clean, let her scream let her yell all she wants. He didn't care anymore, he was in-love with Dean.  
  
" I wouldn’t think you would have wanted to." He lied, again. She knew, so why the hell was he continuing to lie to her?

"I called him."   
  
"You what?!" he shouted, anger bubbling up inside of him.

No, no, no. This can’t be happening. His head swarmed an he felt like he was going to be sick as anxiety rushed through his blood. She called him, she called Dean. He could only imagine what she told him, or even, what she said to him. She was a cruel goddamn woman, so he could only imagine all the horrible names she might have called him.  
  
"But don’t worry your pretty little head, he didn’t answer."  She placed her hands on her hips."And I didn’t find the need to leave that home-wrecker a message." She tapped her chin, "Not yet, in person maybe." she smiled.

"I’m leaving you." He said looking down at the floor, too afraid to look up and into her piercing eyes. He didn't want to fight anymore. He was tired of the abuse and Dean treated him like an actual person, like he mattered. 

He matters.  
  
"For him?" She said bitterly. 

"Yes, for him." he didn’t even have a chance to look up at her before she slapped him. A loud snap filled the air around him, he looked up at her, un-phased.

"You’re gay!" She screeched, "I was going to marry a goddamn faggot!" She yelled inches from his face. 

Her face was bright red, matching the mark she had given him.  She raised her hand again, cracking him across the face a second time, harder than the first, her engagement ring cut the side of his face.

"I hate you!" she screamed, "Goddammit Cas, I fucking hate you!" Castiel didn’t look at her, he kept his face down, feeling the blood slowly slide down his face.

He wasn’t surprised she hit him, he was use to that by now. Use to much worse than that.

She grabbed him by his throat, pushing him up against the wall as she squeezed her hand around it, his arms flew up trying to break her grasp. Her face was red, filled with pure anger and hate, he could have sworn her eyes went black. 

He started to see stars around his vision, “Please.” he managed to choke out before everything went black. This wasn’t the first time she had choked him when she was angry. 

He felt water splash his face, causing him to wake up, gasping.  ”You are not leaving me!” She screamed kicking him in the stomach. “I am leaving you! You hear me!” She kicked him again causing him to vomit all over the floor. “You’re disgusting!” She screamed pulling him up off the floor by his hair, he nearly slipped in his own bile.   
  
"I never want to see your face again!" she spit; letting go of his hair and leaving the room.   
  
He stood there, a bloody, bruised mess, tears wanting to spill over.

But he didn’t cry, he didn’t allow himself to. He was never the type to cry, he was taught young that crying was weak and something girls did.  

He heard her slamming and breaking things, screaming and cursing out as he packed her bags.  

He turned around and looked out the window towards the ocean, the ocean always managed to calm him down.

He loved feeling the squishy wet sand between his toes, and the way your body would sway and shake after leaving the water, as if you were still in it, riding out the waves. He loved the shells, and sand-dollars, his house even had a wall covered in nothing but seashells.

He watched the waves roll peacefully, steadying his heart rate, he hadn’t even heard her leave.

—

He cleaned up the vomit and took a shower. Washing off the blood, sinking to the floor of the glass shower.  His hands were shaking, his mind was a mess. He hadn’t planned on it going down like that, not at all. 

Castiel needed Dean, he needed to be touched, to have all the pain fucked out of him. He didn’t want to think anymore. Not about her, no about the abuse, he just wanted to be wrapped up in pure bliss and intimacy.

After a while he managed to get himself up, backing a small bag and purchasing a hotel room that he knew was close to Dean’s house. He was going to surprise him. 

He took out some makeup he had for when things like this happened, it was makeup used to cover tattoo, which, it did cover his quite nicely. Now that he was free he would finally be able to show them off to Dean.

He took off the cap of the concealer and hid the hand prints that were bruised into his neck, and the one forming under his right eye. Along with the wound. When he felt presentable he went off to the hotel, smiling, because he was going to get to touch Dean.

—

(Dean’s POV)

_Meet me at Brady’s hotel, room 567, now! -Cas._

Dean stared at his phone for a while before answering. Heart fluttering and jumping around the text. He hadn’t seen or heard from him for a few weeks, again. He knew Cas loved him, and he knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, so, he just assumed he was in one of his writing funks.

_Okay-Dean_

He got into his car, shaking as anxiety boiled up into his stomach. Why was he getting so nervous? 

Maybe it’s because Castiel knows where he lives, and knowing he got a hotel, instead of just coming over make it obvious that he was planning something.

But what? That he didn’t know, and he hates surprised, I mean, _really_ hates them.

—

The hotel wasn’t too far away, he got there in twenty minutes max.

Walking up the stairs, since the elevator was broken, which, only pissed him off. The heat was cranked up high and he was sweating, not a pretty look for him.

When he reached the room he wiped his brow, before knocking on the door. The sound flooded the room, lingering in the air as he waited for him to open it.

He heard foot steps coming towards him a few moments later.

Cas opened the door with a bright smile on his face, he was wearing a black suit, tie and all. Dean licked his lips, swallowing hard at the sight, suddenly, he had forgotten how to speak. 

Castiel pulled him into a long passionate kiss, running his finger’s through Dean’s sweat-damp-hair, tugging on the short hairs in the back. “Missed you.” He murmured against Dean’s full lips. He pulled away from him, “Well, come in.” 

Dean walked into the room, jumping when he heard the door shut behind him. “Jumpy are we?” Castiel smirked wrapping his hands around Dean’s waist. 

Dean turned around to face him, paying closer attention to him then he had before, “Hey, what happened to your face?” He asked looking at the makeup covered wound on his cheek, it was no bigger than a dime, but, noticeable.  
  
"I cut it shaving." he lied.

Dean believed it, because his face was free of stubble.

"Why did you want me to come here?" He asked curiously, looking around the room.

It was quite beautiful, white walls with a red fuzzy carpet, a large bed, kitchen, bathroom and even a living room. It had several bouquets of red roses in pretty elegant vases. Dean gulped, still feeling uncomfortable about the money he made.

"Sit." Castiel demanded, looking at Dean hungrily, "On the bed." 

Dean was a bit taken back by his sudden demand, but he did as he was told, sitting on the edge of the bed, comfortably.

Castiel was standing on the other side of the hotel room, Dean sitting up on the edge of the bed, nervousness settling in his bones. He licked his lips slowly watching the older male stand in front of him.

He carefully removed his black jacket, un-tucking his white dress shirt as he lazily loosened his black tie, letting it swing from his neck. Eyes locked on Dean’s green.

Dean furrowed his brow in confusion, yet aroused, watching Castiel begin to remove his clothing. 

He slowly moving his shirt up his body, hip bone peeking out from his waist. Dean shivered eyes moving down to his exposed skin. He moved his shirt up more exposing his abs and cross tattoo on his rib-cage.

Tattoos? Could he be any more perfect? Dean thought, feeling himself grow hard in his pants from just looking at him.

Castiel pushed his shirt further up, exposing his nipple piercings and a small tattoo on his chest, it was some sort of symbol Dean was unfamiliar with.

It was ‘love’ in echonian.

He let his shirt rest on top of his pectoral muscles as he ran his hands down his body, rubbing them over his hips, slowly slipping one into his pants, gently palming his growing hard on. Head slightly back looking at Dean sinfully behind blue eyes, lips parted into an ‘o’ shape.

Dean shuttered at the sight of Castiel touching himself through his slick dress pants.

“Mmmm.” he groaned pulling his hand out, turning his back to Dean unbuttoning his shirt, and letting it slide off of his arms.

His back muscles twitched doing so, showing of the tattoo of wings spreading across his back and down each triceps.

 He threw is duffle bag onto the ground, and began to unzip his dress pants, letting them fall to the ground as he slipped out of them. Dean could feel his cock throb and twitch against his jeans.

He slipped down his boxers, bending over showing off the butt plug he had inside of him causing Dean to shiver, heat flooding downwards as his heart sped up. Castiel got on his knees opening his bag and taking out a light sparkling blue vibrator, which also had a suction cup on the bottom. He took out some lube rubbing it over the vibrator and slipped out the plug, he turned it on and stuck it to the ground, causing a snap sound.

He got on his knees a bit higher guiding himself over the vibrator before he pushed it inside of him, painfully slow. Teasing Dean with the view. He arched his back making his ass appear fuller as he slowly took it deep inside of him, moans escaping his lips.

Dean let out a soft whimper, cock twitched painfully in his jeans as pre-come dripped from the head, soaking his boxers.

He watched Castiel moved up and down onto it slowly, making sure Dean got a good view as he palmed his throbbing erection, “I want you so bad Dean.” he gasped, “Do you want me too?” He said breaking into a low moan.

"Yeah." Dean breathed.

"I want you so bad." Castiel moaned, his voice was deep and husky, laced with lust as he let out shallow moans sliding his finger’s over the head of his cock; moving the vibrator up inside of himself.

He bit his bottom lip, trying to keep himself from moaning, the sight of Castiel in such an intimate potion, watching him fuck himself had to be the hottest thing he had seen in his entire life.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, praying his answer would be a yes.

"No."  
  
Dean sighed, “Cas…” He whined.  
  
"Mmm-no." He moaned taking it in deeper, vibrations sending shivers down his spine.

"Please, I want to touch you, let me touch you." He begged, watching Castiel’s back muscles move under his skin, giving his angel wings tattoo movement as he moved up and down on the toy.

Castiel shook his head, moaning louder than he had before, hitting his prostate every-time he lowered himself back onto the toy.

Dean didn’t understand the point of all this? Why do it if he wasn't even aloud to touch him?

Frustration nipped at him little by little, bubbling up inside of him as the urge to just take him without permission becoming more and more of an option.

Maybe that's what Castiel wants, to push Dean to the point of taking him for himself. 

Dean got up, walking uncomfortably over to Castiel as his hard on pressed against his pants painfully. He knelled down behind Castiel, who was now looking over his shoulder, smirking at him. “May I?” Dean asked, looking into his deep blue eyes, pupils blown out with lust.

He nodded, he actually nodded.   
  
Dean was kneeling on his knee’s , looking down at Castiels back, muscles firm under his skin. He took a deep breath before he kissed Castiel at the base of his neck. He felt him shutter against his lips and tongue as he slowly move down between his shoulder blades, and then along the feather’s of his wings. He placed his hands on Castiel’s hips, moving them downwards, cupping his perfect ass, as he began guiding him over the vibrating toy, using his strength to lift him up and down Castiel’s breath hitched; and Dean smirked against his skin. 

Dean had no idea what he was even suppose to do, it was like is basic instinct kicked in, guiding him though his movements. Kissing Castiel, touching him, and he seemed to be doing everything correctly, due to the un-holy sounds coming from the other’s mouth, he then removed the vibrator,  “Stand up.” He hushed in the dark haired males ear. Dean applied more lube to his fingers, sliding them inside of Castiel’s tight ass. He whimpered, legs shaking with need. Dean took his cock in his other hand guiding it into his mouth as he sucked and licked the head of his partner’s hard-on. 

_Fuck_

He tasted so good, pre-come slick against his tongue as he slid it over his swollen gland. Castiel’s moans became increasingly louder when ever he traced his tongue against his slit, and fucked his finger’s into him, rubbing his prostate gently.

His breath hitched and he moved his hips slowly, going deeper into Dean’s warm wet mouth. 

Dean’s cock strained against his pants, wanting release but he didn’t dare to break the reaction coming from his lover just to satisfy himself. “Dean.” Castiel moaned, “I want you to fuck me.” he practically begged. “Now!” he growled pushing Dean to the floor before straddling him. Dean looked up at him in shock, all of the sudden feeling rather self cautious, which must of been written all over his face because Castiel’s expression softened. 

"Dean, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t….."  
  
But Dean cut him off with a kiss, pulling him down closer to him as he carted his hands through his dark hair, pulling at it lightly. Castiel moaned into his  mouth, trailing his hands up Dean’s shirt before pulling away from the kiss, ripping the shirt from Dean’s body. He collapsed back on-top of him, kissing him hungrily as he unzipped Dean’s jean’s pulling them down along with his boxers, his cock sprung up hitting Cas' tight muscle.

Castiel rubbed his tight hole against his swollen head, teasing the both of them, before he sat down, taking Dean’s length inside of him without any preparation. He didn’t care if it hurt, he wanted him, he wanted Dean, _now_!  
  
Dean bucked his hips up in response, quivering under the heat of his tight ass as Castiel bounce up and down onto his cock.

Dean looked up at him, gripping his hips tight as he watched Castiel’s expression and the way he placed his hands on himself. He carted his fingers through his own hair while his over hand snaked from his neck down his torso, gripping his own manhood as he fucked himself on Dean’s cock. Just looking at him was enough for him to slowly climb up in ecstasy, along with the feeling of Castiel slide up and down onto him.

Castiel was nearing climax, shouting and screaming Dean’s name along with various types of phrases and profanity. Dean arched his back, moving his hips along with Castiel, hitting his lover’s prostate with every thrust as he began to come undone underneath him.

Heat swarmed down wards, as his nose and cheeks became flushed, he was going to come.

Castiel looked down at him, locking his blue eye with his, moaning his name over and over again.

"Dean, Dean, Dean."  he screamed.

Fuck that was all he needed to hear as he came inside of Castiel, head pressed up against the carpet, mouth forming a perfect ‘o’ shape, “Castiel!” he moaned, causing Castiel to spill his hot sticky release over Dean’s chest before dropping down on-top of him, he kissed Dean tenderly, more lovingly than he had before. “Thank you.” he murmured against his lips. 

Why is he thanking me? Dean wondered.


	6. Heart Break Kid

Dean managed to catch his breath, watching Castiel climb off of him, turning to lay on his stomach. He looked at Castiel's tattoo, and then up to the back of his neck, noticing four bruises that looked like finger tips lined across from one another. He raised his brow in confusion, he was sure he hadn't been the one to make those, no, he was positive.

"What happened to your neck?" He asked. And Castiel gulped, realizing he had forgotten to cover up the back of his neck.

"I-I ugh." He cleared his throat, rolling onto his back.

Fuck. He had to come clean. "My now ex, she-she ugh choked me out today, when I ended it with her," he paused, "to be with you."

Dean sat up, he felt like he was going to pass out,

1) Because she had hurt his beloved Castiel.

and

2) Because he _had_ a girlfriend this whole time.

He felt so confused and angry, also hurt. He didn't understand why Castiel would hide something like this from him. If he wanted to be with him why didn't he just tell him the truth.

"You had a girlfriend?" He shouted, racking his brain for a better way to handle this.

"Not exactly." he murmured.

"What do you mean, not exactly?" He practically yelled at him.

Castiel flinched at the sound of Dean’s voice, “Not a girlfriend, my fiance’. ” he mumbled quietly. Dean raised his hand and rubbed his face. Castiel flinched when his hand went up, as if he was waiting for Dean to strike him.

Dean noticed how he had flinched away from him, which only made him even more angry. He would never hit Castiel, and there was no goddamn reason for him to be afraid of that.

Dean got up, grabbing his clothes angrily, attempting to put them on.

Castiel sat up in confusion when he hadn't hit him, “Dean wait.”

"No! Fuck you!" he yelled as he slid one of his legs into his pants, and then the other, pulling them up.

"You were engaged this whole goddamn time?" He shouted as he watched Castiel get up off the floor, pulling his own pants back on.

_'Shut up Dean, shut up. Stop talking, it's okay. He chose you, just calm down! He loves you, he chose you.'_

But he couldn't stop. Words were flying out of his mouth faster than he could keep up with.

"And you're flinching every time I raise my voice, I don't know what that bitch did to you, but I would never hit you!" His face relaxed, "And it hurts that you would think that of me."

"Dean let me explain!" he shouted, and Dean looked back at him, noticing the hurt expression on the writer’s face.

"No." he said coldly turning for the door.

_Dean stop, just let him explain, he told himself._

"I didn't know what to do! I didn't know how to tell you!" He shouted

"So you decided to hurt some poor bastard? Lucky me!" he gave him a hurt yet furious expression, "And to think," he shook his head, heart-ache bubbling up into his chest, "you actually loved me." his voice ended in a murmurer.

Castiel was looking at him, Dean could feel his eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, he placed his hand on the doorknob.

He waited for him to say something, but he wasn’t talking. "Do you love me?" Dean asked.   
  
He waited, but Castiel still stayed quiet, he took a deep breath and turned the knob, opening the door, "I get it, you don’t. My mistake." He said bitterly before slamming the door behind him.

"No Dean, I-" he managed to choke out, standing there staring at the door.

\--

Castiel wanted to chase after him, but he couldn't bring himself to that kind of embarrassment. 

He had just ruined the best thing to have ever happened to him, he loved Dean. He was in-love with Dean, and hearing him say that he 'thought' that he loved him burned holes through him. Because he does, more than anything in this world.

Sure he had never openly said it but he thought Dean knew it anyways. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed; laying back, sinking into the soft silk fabric. He had no idea if he could fix this, or how. He wasn't even sure if Dean would want to fix it in the first place, which only made his chest ache with sadness.

But, if Dean truly loves him, then they can work through it, right?

\--

The crowd in the bar was loud, he could barely hear Ellen over the chatter of voices and loud classic rock music.

"Dean what the hell are you doing here?" She yelled over the noise, hand on her hip.  
  
He drank a portion of his fifth beer in one go before answering her, "It's just beer Ellen. I drink all the time at home." He sighed.

"That's the point Dean, you drink at _home_ not _here_ you know what happened last time you were out drinking."  
  
Dean glared at her, is everyone always going to remind him of his idiotic past, he lived it, he payed for it, he hadn't forgotten. And he was sick of always being reminded as if he forgot what he had done. "I know, and that was a long time ago Ellen, drop it." he slurred.

"Well you better have a cab drive you home Dean." She snapped.  
  
"Mhm." He mumbled swallowing more of the alcohol, he couldn't even taste or feel the burning of the bitter liquid anymore.

"Dean I am serious." She gave him a disappointed look.  
  
"I know. Jesus Ellen." He said bitterly, "Just leave me the hell alone."  
  
Jo Harvel, (Ellen's daughter) came up behind Dean, "Hey come with me." She smile leaning over his shoulder to look at his face.  
  
"Not now Jo." he sighed.

"I can take it from here." Jo smiled at her mother.

"Come on Dean." She said taking his hand. He groaned grabbing his beer and following her through the private door and up into her room.  
  
"What's going on?" She asked sitting on her bed.

Dean stood in the center looking around the room. He hasn't been in here for years.

"I got my heart broken." he slurred, "So I am getting drunk."

Jo sighed, "Well that's not a valuable reason to drink Dean."

"Like hell it isn't" he slurred finishing the bottle.

"Come here, sit down." She smiled patting the space next to her.  
  
There was no way in hell this was happening, again. "No I am good standing where I am." 

The last thing Dean wanted was to end up sleeping with her _again_ while under the influence. She deserved a guy who actually wanted her.

Jo rolled her eyes, "Dean just sit, nothing is going to happen, I can promise you that."

He sighed considering her offer.

"Come on." She smiled weakly.

He looked down at his empty bottle, taking a deep breath before he walked over to her and sat down next to her, leaving a large space between them."  
  
"Tell me about him. What happened."  
  
"What makes you assume they are a 'he'." He glared at her, was he that easy to read?  
  
"Dean I know you well enough by now. So spill it, let it out."

"No, no way. I am not going to sit here and tell you a goddamn sob story, as if this were some fucking reality TV show."  
  
"Dean I am just trying to be here for you." She said moving closer to him. "Hearing you say someone 'broke' your heart is alarming, and he must of been special. You love him right?"  
  
He sighed looking down at his hands, becoming uncomfortable with her closeness, "Yeah, I love him Jo."  
  
"Then what's the problem?" She asked.

"I don't think he loves me back." He said sadly.

"Why would you think something like that?" She asked.

"You wouldn't understand."   
  
"Then help me understand Dean." She said taking his hand in her's.

He pulled his hand away, "No Jo, I don't want to."  
  
She sighed, "When will you quit being stubborn and realize talking about what bothers you is better than drowning your brain in booze?"  
  
She was right, but he was not about to get some stupid lecture.

"Fuck you Jo." He barked, getting up from the bed and heading towards the door. "I'm going home."

"Dean please, don't drive like this." She begged, concerned remembering what had happened last time.

"I'm not." He lied closing the door behind him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He had actually cried that night, after holding on to that lump in his throat as he sat in his car, parked out side of his house, blasting Metallica. He had actually cried. Sobs wrecking through his full pink lips, his green eyes red and puffy, sniffling as he tried to dry away the tears that lingered on his freckled cheeks.Dean had never been big on crying, but Castiel broke him. He actually _broke_ him. He knocked down those walls the moment he saw him, becoming awkward, fumbling over his own words when he use to be so goddamn calm and collected.

"What the hell is happening to me?" he sobbed. This isn’t like him, crying over some stupid fucking guy that just so happened to break it heart.

_Break his heart._

Maybe he was being melodramatic I mean, so what, he _was_ engaged, Dean _was_ a home wrecker, but he did choose, him.

He chose _him_ not her. And well that had to mean something right?

" _No, stop, he’s a scumbag. Someone who would only end up doing the same thing to him right? Once a cheater, always a cheater._ " he told himself.

_Fuck_

What was he suppose to do? What was he going to do? He was confused, tripping over the same emotions over and over again.

_Go back._

_No, no, don’t go back._

_You really should…._

_No!_

He should have known; since the moment he laid eyes on the elder Novak he knew he was in for some trouble, so why did he push away that lingering thought?

Why the hell did he even go and see him at that coffee shop? Which covered in teenager’s writing smutty fan-fiction. He had set himself up for heartbreak, which only made him furious, tears of heartache turning into tears of anger.

\--

Dean jumped to the sound of knocking on the glass window, it was Sam, he had a look of concern on his face, eyes gleaming as if he were a small puppy, wanting to comfort their owner.

The sobbing man rolled his eyes at him, “Perfect.” he grumbled letting his head fall onto the steering wheel.

"Whoa hey!" Sam called opening his brother’s car door; assuming he had just passed out, "Dean are you okay?"

Dean groaned lifting his head from the steering wheel, looking at Sam through blurred vision due to the tears glazing over them and because he was buzzed.

"Oh…." Sam said in shock, noticing he was crying. "Hey what’s wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." Dean hissed pushing Sam aside, slowly getting out of his Impala, staggering towards the house.

"Have-have you been drinking?" Sam asked brows raised as he followed his wobbling brother into their home.

"No." he lied walking into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

"Not again." Sam mumbled

                                                                     *******

The eighteen-wheeler struck the impala hard, sending it to a screeching halt. Sam whacked his face on the front seat hard, causing blood to leak from his nose. His father was passed out cold, head resting on the dashboard while Dean was limp against the steering wheel. The air was cold and bitter and there was ringing in his ears. 

"Dean?" Sam whined.   
  
"Dad?" he whimpered.

Sam didn’t know why his father had let Dean drive.

Dean is drunk.

The accident may have not been his fault, the truck hit them, but Sam couldn’t help but feel the panic swarm up in side of him.

His brother _is_ drunk and the police and ambulance workers were already on their way. They would find the alcohol in his blood and lock him up for DUI, or worse, him dying. The thought of losing his older brother like that scared him, he loved his brother, he had taken care of him for seventeen years of his life, he needed him.

Siren’s sounded in the distance as they grew increasingly louder and the flashing red, white, and blue lights got closer as the seconds flew by. That’s all he remembered before he passed out.

—

Sam woke up, he was fine, perfectly fine, just a broken nose. But Dean, he was in a coma. There were tube’s shoved down his throat to keep him breathing, all sorts of wires stuck to his chest and an IV sending medication and nutrition into his veins. He was dying and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He watched him helplessly as detectives entered the room, they looked down at Sam sitting next to his brother’s dying body. Sam hadn’t heard them enter until one cleared their throat causing him to jump up. He turned around and looked at the three of them standing there, “Yeah?” He asked.

"You are Sam Winchester, correct? Son of John Winchester, brother of Dean Winchester." he said pointing to his brother.

Sam furrowed his brow in confusion, “Yeah, why?” He said suddenly remembering he hadn’t gone to see his father yet.

"You might want to stay seated Sammy." One of the men said, he had a kind smile, and Sam felt suddenly relaxed, despite the fear and anxiety that sunk deep into his chest.

"My name is Gabriel."

He motioned the two other’s to leave the room, "I can take it from here." he said looking over his shoulder.

He turned back to look at the young and innocent Sam, eyes glistening with fear."I have some unfortunate news involving your father’s situation." His eyes were a deep champagne color, looking at him with concern.

"You father died this morning."

And there it was, a punch to the gut sending him to loll forward, heaving and gagging; with nothing coming out due to having an empty stomach. Gabriel stood up and rubbed his back gently, Sam looked up at him, “What is going to happen to Dean.” he choked out. Gabriel quirked his face in surprise at the fact he was more concerned about his brother than his own dad.

"Well that is for the court to decide, he was found drunk driving."

"But the accident wasn’t his fault." He barked, "That-that fucking bastard hit us!"

Gabriel sighed, “Calm down Sammy.”

"No! I am not going to calm down, and quit calling me Sammy!" He snapped standing up, he was a lot taller than the man standing before him, towering over him in-fact. "My brother is the _only_ one who gets to call me that!" He yelled.

Gabriel pinched his brow sighing heavily, “I am sorry Sam. But that’s just how it goes, we have no proof that the truck had hit you. Dean is indeed responsible.” Sam felt his chest ache as he slowly sat back down. He was losing everyone. His brother might not even wake up. His head swarmed and tears breached the surface behind hazel eyes.

                                                                                                                 *******

Sam walked behind his brother, looking over his shoulder watching him pour a glass full of the bitter liquid. “Dean.”

He flinched hearing his brother’s voice come up from behind him, “What?” he snapped turning around to face him, already downing half the glass in one go.

Sam rolled his eyes and grabbed the glass from his brother’s hands, alcohol spilling out on the both of them. He raise his hand and threw the glass, it smacked against the wall, glass shattering around them as alcohol dripped down the wall.

Dean looked at him wide eyed; in pure shock. “Sammy what the hell?” he slurred.

"Dean I should be the one saying that to you." Dean watched him clench his jaw angrily, eyes full of disappointment.

He gulped.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" He said looking down at him. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that if he kept them shut long enough he would opened his eyes again finding himself in bed just having some stupid nightmare, but Sam’s voice continued causing him to look back up at him. "Drunk driving Dean. Really?" he barked, "Have you forgotten what happened last time?"

His last comment ripped him into two, “Of course not!” He snapped surprised at the way he suddenly sobered up enough to clash this argument out, “You think I would forget about somethin’ like that?” He yelled stepping closer, “I had five years in some dirty ass cell to think about what I had done Sam!” He sighed looking up at his brother, his face was still full of disappointment and anger, it killed him inside. “I had enough time to live with what I did. I fucked up!” He screamed, “I get it! But I am home, I didn’t hurt anyone! I am home Sammy!” He slurred as the effect of the whiskey began creeping up inside of him.

He reached up to cup his brother’s face, which went lax in his hands, “I won’t do it again.” He slurred.

Sam backed away, “That’s what you said the first time, and here you are.” he said shaking his head, “Dean your lucky you even got your damn license back i the first place, if-if you were caught tonight, you would be back in jail. Period.” He watched his brother’s face through hooded eyes, he looked so goddamn upset and hurt. Fuck he really fucked up.

"Sam I’m sorry." He groaned body going limp as his face plunged against Sam’s chest. Sam caught him, rolling his eyes as he held his brother up.

"C’mon, let’s get your stupid drunk ass to bed." He chuckled trying to lighten the mood. Dean grunted in response head spinning dizzy from the alcohol. "Just, don’t fucking do that again." He mumbled and Dean nodded as he hoisted his arm around his shoulder dragging him down the hallway and into his bedroom.

"Thanks Sammy, for lookin’ out for me." he slurred as he fell into his warm soft bed.

"Well it’s about time someone started too."

"Mmm, memory foam." He smiled eyes shut, "it remember’s me." He giggled patting it. Sam rolled his eyes an took off his brother’s shoes. Then pulling him up to remove his worn down leather jacket.

"Goodnight Dean." Sam whispered, shock rising over his face when Dean grabbed his wrist. "Cas has a fiance." was all he said before his hand let go, going limp on the bed as he fell asleep.

Sam furrowed his brow in confusion.

" _Cas has a fiance_?" he repeated.


	7. Dude, what the hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem written by _________ Thank YOU SO MUCH! I edited a few minor details but that's about it. Thank you cupcake.  
> WARNING: talk of abuse, described images

Sam left Dean's room and walked down the hallway, he knew Dean's phone had to be around here someplace. He checked the living room first since he was always hiding out there. He checked the coffee table but it wasn't there. He sighed. He checked the couch, pulling up the cushions and finally found it wedged between one. 

He pressed the lock button and slid it open, Castiel had already called several times since he had been back, and if he knew Dean well enough he wouldn't call him. It was time to take matters into his own hands.

He dialed the number and Castiel answered immediately, "I am so happy you are calling me back Dean, please let me explain."  
  
"Cas," Sam said softly, "This isn't Dean, it's me Sam."  
  
A long pause of silence fell over between the two before one of them decided to speak.

"Cas, why did you hide that from Dean?"  His voice wasn't angry, just full of concern.

"I was scared." He said honestly, "I thought that if I had told him the truth he wouldn't have wanted any of this."

"Did you know that for sure?" He asked.  
  
"Well no." He mumbled.

He hadn't given him any reason to think that, he was just scared, this wasn't the first time he was trying to be with someone to get out of his relationship. I mean could you blame him? His last relationship didn't exactly end very well, it nearly killed him when Balthazar broke it off between them, he was coming so close to breaking up with Abaddon and when he left, well, he couldn't do it on his own. 

He had almost killed himself, drowning in alcohol and letting Abaddon beat him while he was so intoxicated he couldn't even walk. He prayed every night to God that he wouldn't wake up in the morning, that he would take him in his sleep, or to kill him in an accident when he was awake. He didn't want to live anymore, and then he saw Dean Winchester's profile.

"Well I know Dean better than anyone else in this world and I for one know for a fact that Dean would not have been that way, as long as you just explained it to him. Yeah he wouldn't have become so _close_ to you but he would of asked what your reasoning's were to cheat on her." he stated calmly.

"Well, i certainly wish I had known that before." He sighed.  
  
"Well, why did you get involved with him if you were already engaged?" he asked hoping he wasn't over stepping his boundaries.

"Okay, well, it's like this." he began.

Sam listened carefully to what Castiel had to say, every word every detail; about the abuse, how he was gay trying to cover himself up the best he could, and how he was in love with Dean, and that Dean was done with him. Castiel was in a big mess, and he could understand why he hadn't told Dean and now why Dean had drank himself to sleep. 

"Alright," Sam started, "you love Dean?"  
  
"Very much so."  
  
"And I know for a fact that Dean loves you too." Sam heard Cas sigh with relief.

"And you are the best thing that has happened to Dean in well, ever. And I won't let either of you throw any of this away."

"Okay." Castiel said hopeful.  
  
"I am going to help you get him back."  
  
Castiel's heart dropped, "Really?" He asked disbelievingly.  
  
"Really." Sam replied, "You two are good for each other, and since you came about Dean stopped sulking around so much, you are making him happy."  
  
"And he is making me happy." He said calmly.

"Okay, good."  Sam chuckled.

"Now, here's the plan."

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up the next morning with a pulsing headache, groaning into the sheets of his bed before he sat up suddenly remembering what happened the night before. He was so goddamn stupid and foolish for getting into his car and driving home under the influence, _again_. What in the world was he thinking, he could of killed someone _else_. 

He still to this day blames himself for his father's death, hell sometimes even his mother's. It was _his_ shirt he left on the bed-side lamp engulfing it in flames; in Sam's nursery. Although nobody else saw it that way, besides himself. 

He shook off the lingering depression that had settled in his bones as he made his way down the hall gingerly. Sam was already awake and drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen.

"Dude your phone has been going off all night, are you going to tell me what happened between you and Cas?" Sam said looking up at his brother.

"Not now Sammy, I have a head-ache and I am in no mood to hash-out my feelings with you right now." he groaned.  
  
"And who's fault is that?" Sam asked giving him a pointed look as Dean poured himself a cup.

"Cas'." He said bitterly.  
  
"No Dean." Sam sighed looking up at his brother, "That's your fault, you made the choice to drink so much."

"Yeah well whatever." He grumbled sitting down across from him.

"Now," Sam said putting his cup down and leaning forward on the table, "I called Cas" Dean's eyes shot open wide, "and he told me everything."

"Sam this isn't any of your goddamn business!" He yelled slamming his fist against the table.  
  
"I know it isn't, which is why I invited him over today." He said calmly taking a sip of his coffee, watching the horrified look on his brother's face, "He will be here in an hour, and I swear if I have to chain you up to get you to listen to him, so help me God Dean I will."

 "Sam." Dean growled standing up.  
  
"No, sit down!" Sam shouted, and Dean actually listened.  
  
"You need to listen to Castiel, you need to hear why he did all of that Dean, he told me, and, Dean what she was doing to him," He clenched his jaw, "It was sick, and disgusting, you are making him happy, and I know he is making you happy too."  
  
Dean furrowed his brow, still angry with his brother and Castiel, but Sam was right, he had to hear Castiel's side. But Castiel also had to hear why he was angry too.

"Fine." Dean mumbled, looking down at his hands.  
  
"Really?" Sam asked raising his brow in shock.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" Dean asked looking up at his brother.

"No." Sam said smiling at him.  
  
"Then okay." He sighed standing up, he left the kitchen and walked over to where he kept his car keys but they were gone, he let out a loud groan.

"Do I know you or what?" Sam shouted.

"Shut up!" Dean yelled.  
  
"Jerk!" Sam called out.

"Bitch!" Dean replied.

Sam smiled and pulled out his phone to text Castiel. 

_Alright, step 1 is done -SW_

_\--_

Castiel waited by his cell phone eager for Sam's text. He really hoped their plan would work and that Dean would agree on seeing him. But, knowing Sam, if he knows him at all would surely make Dean talk to him whether he wanted to or not.   
  
Sam was a sap when it came to love, that he could tell so it is no surprise that he wants to help Castiel.   
  
But he knew Sam would not be the one to save what ever Dean and him has together, it was up to himself to talk Dean back into being with him. He had to come up with a plan on how he would do it too. He thought about begging for forgiveness, taking him to some far away expensive place but he knew Dean would not buy into something like that. So he decided on something a little more personal.

He walked over to his type writer and began hashing out his ideas for something Dean would love. Before he knew it the words were coming out of his fingers like fireworks, writing about their most precious memories, he knew this was something Dean would love, and be able to keep forever. Now all he has to hope for is that it works.

\--

Sam rearranged the living room while Dean was getting dressed. He moved a reclining chair in front of the coffee table.  He then removed any items on the table and replaced them with tissues and a pot of tea, with disposable foam cups.  He backed up and looked at the room that now looked like a therapist's office. He smirked feeling rather hilarious knowing Dean would hate it more than anything.

Dean walked into the room and grimaced at the site, "Dude what the fuck, are we playing shrink or something?" He asked hoping he was seeing it all wrong.  
  
"Yes." Sam smiled turning around to face his brother, "I am Dr. Winchester, couples therapist."   
  
"You've got to be kidding me." Dean groaned just as there was a knock at the door.

"Nope, now, sit!" Sam yelled, and Dean sat, arms crossed in front of him.

Castiel and Sam entered the room, Dean noticed Castiel right away, he looked like utter shit; he had a large bruise on his right eye, along with a cut on his cheek and a set of hand prints bruised into his neck. He also realized his shirt was off and he was carrying one, he had a dark blue and purple bruise on his stomach. Dean's heart sunk to the floor, his instinct was to run up to him, kiss and hug him, telling him it'll be okay and that he will kill who ever did this to him. But he couldn't, what Castiel did hurt him, really bad and he doesn't even know why he did it yet.

"Now Dean, Cas is going to start and explain to you why he did what he did. You are not aloud to speak and once he is done it is your turn." He said looking at his brother who was starring at Castiel,"Do you understand?" He asked in a childlike tone.  
  
"I am not a freaking child Sam!" he shouted.  
  
"Really? I wasn't sure if you were or not by the way you are acting, now, do you under-"  
  
"Yes goddammit."

"Good, Castiel, you may begin." He said calmly sitting down in his chair that was facing the couch, leg crossed over the other.  
  
"Now Castiel, why didn't you tell Dean the truth?"

Castiel gave Sam a sideways smile before turning to face Dean. Dean looked down and noticed a binder in Castiel's hands, he was too focused on the bruises to notice it. He cleared a small spot on the coffee table and began taking photos out of it and placing them on he coffee table. Dean leaned forward and looked.  
  
Before him Castiel was placing down all of the wounds he had gotten over the past five years being with Abaddon. Some of which his face looked nothing like him anymore. He even placed down a picture of the third degree burns on his genitals. One of the images was of his back, the word 'faggot' carved into his skin the wounds were still fresh, and quite deep;  where the angel wings were. Dean shuttered at the images, he could barely even breath. He felt like he was going to puke.

But nothing, and I mean nothing hit him harder than the one where he was lying in the hospital, tubes down his throat. Dean had been there before, but because of his own mistake, not because he was beaten like Castiel was. He couldn't look at Castiel, he felt his face grow pale and tears breaching the surface. He couldn't believe this cruel woman did something like this to him.

Castiel cleared his throat causing Dean to look up at him, "All these photos are just some of what she did to me, now upon seeing this could you blame me for trying to leave her?"  
  
Dean knew it wasn't something he could answer yet, so he waited his turn.

"She would do this to me, almost daily, after a year of being together, once we moved in together." He stated.

"And I wasn't brave enough to leave her either, I was ashamed about being gay, and when she find out that that could be a possibility she freaked out and said she would tell everyone. And back then, I hated myself for liking males, and I was scared of being outed. So I lied and told her I wasn't." He sighed.

"Then it got worse, the abuse that is, I wasn't only being abused physically, but mentally too. I would be told how worthless I am, that I will never amount to anything and that I was a filthy faggot and God will punish me."

 Dean's heart sunk into his chest with each word that was spilling from his mouth, he couldn't stand what that bitch did to him.

 "And that scared me, so I stayed for five years, and Dean you're not the only one I did this too, you might feel as if you are but you're not. The last guy left me and well it nearly killed me. I prayed to God every night to take me in my sleep, that was two years ago."

He looked down at the floor for a while, when he looked back up at Dean his eyes were full of tears, "Dean when I met you, I felt a connection instantly, nothing like I had ever felt before, and well, I fell for you really fast, and I know you fell for me too."

He sighed, "But I was afraid that if I told you, before I ended it with her that you would leave me before I could. Trapping me with her, if I stayed any longer, I would of been getting married to her." 

 Dean watched the tears in Castiel's eyes and it was breaking him in two, why the hell didn't he listen in the first place?  
  
"I know that she would have killed me, multiple times she had almost been successful. You weren't just some way out to me Dean, you were more than that. You were the light at the end of this dark tunnel I was living in for five years. You make me happy, you make me feel wanted and loved. Not only when I sleep with you, but just when I am around you, I love you Dean."

"And I hope you understand."

"Is that all?" Sam asked him.  
  
Castiel nodded, "For now."

"Okay Dean, it's your turn."   
  
Dean watched Castiel put his shirt back on and walk over to him sitting next to him stiffly.

"Castiel, I had no idea." He murmured looking over at him, "Its just that when you said you had a fiance that whole time I felt like shit, and I don't know, I only assumed she hit you because you were leaving her for a guy."   
  
Dean shook his head, "Castiel I-I--why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Like I said I was scared Dean. I know it was stupid and that I shouldn't have been so afraid with you. You never gave me any reasons to."  
  
"Maybe you should be afraid of me." He said sadly.

Castiel gave him a puzzled look, he had no idea what he was even talking about. "What?" He asked furrowing his brow at him.  
  
"Dean, don't" Sam interrupted.

"I was in jail, for five years." He murmured, "I drove drunk, and a eighteen wheeler hit us and it killed my dad.  I have a problem with alcohol." He said honestly, having no goddamn idea why he was telling him this. 

This was the darkest chapter of his life, something only Sam, and his closest friends know about it. He wasn't even very open to talking about it, but he needed to tell him, it was bound to come up some time.

"My dad, Sam and I were just coming back from a job, and we celebrated afterwards. I was eager to drive the car, it was one stupid mistake and I have been living with it since." Dean rubbed his hands over his face, "I fucked up, and I always seem to fuck up Castiel. What if I do something stupid again? We are both scared here." He sighed looking back at Castiel, "Maybe we shouldn't be together, I will only hurt you, I always push people away once they get close. I think that's the reason I didn't let you talk last night, because it was my way out without being the one to hurt you."  
  
"Dean, your past doesn't matter right now, I know it hurts baby, God help me I know it does. But love is about taking chances and starting over."  Dean looked over at him, eyes glazing over, "Dean I love you, so much. And I know it happened so fast, but I don't regret it, not at all. "  He wiped the tears from Dean's swollen eyes, "And I won't ever regret it. Please, I need you, don't leave me." He said tears in his own eyes falling from the surface.

"Cas, I-I don't know if I can do this." He said honestly, "I love you angel, I do. But what I am so scared. Partially in fear that you will find someone better once you get to know who I really am. Or even leave me for someone else. You already lied to me once Cas, a huge goddamn lie. What else have you lied about?" He asked him, "I mean you put on an act when I first met you, how do I know you're not acting now?"

 "Dean I won't leave you, look, I wrote you a poem okay, to show you what I feel for you is real. Please, don't do this, don't leave me. I know I fucked up, I shouldn't have kept that from you, but I am not acting, I do love you." He bit his lower lip, "Dean this is real. Please let me read it to you?" His tears were falling heavily from his blue eyes as Dean watched him take out a piece of paper, vision blurred from his own tears. Dean nodded, "Okay, read it." he said dryly.

Castiel stood up shaking as he held the paper in his hands, he cleared his throat and began,

_Things were perfect, how perfect they used to be._

_When time was spent just you and me._

_Both, strangers at a coffee shop down the street_

_And after one morning,_

Dean began to smile, looking up as Castiel spoke, he was so beautiful when he talked. He knew he should be mad at him, but the moment he began it seemed to subside. 

_I knew something was meant to be._

_The moment you have me that charming gaze,_

_I couldn’t help but to stay._

_Time was short, so I glanced outside._

_Pouring rain had filled my sight,_

_But all I could think of was kissing those lips,_

_Warm, soft, smooth._

Dean chuckled, remembering the way Castiel looked being pelted with rain, soaking him down to his bones. He was so beautiful in the cold, wet rain.  He remembered shivering violently before Castiel claimed his lips, instantly warming his body and soul.

_Second dates and even thirds,_

_Darling do you remember when we danced in front of the fire place?_

_Flaming hot like an amber was my heart, heating up with emotions._

_It was like the feelings were meant to be._

Dean nodded remembering that night, he looked so beautiful, blue eyes shining in the light of the fire as they danced drunkenly, giggling an laughing, knowing very well how ridiculous they must have looked. That was he night Dean fell in love with his smile.

_Weeks passed to Halloween and you still tugging at my heart._

_The night we carved pumpkins together ,and you threw the tart._

_Faces red with laughter and orange everywhere,_

_You were so cute still with the mush in your hair._

Dean could still feel the pumpkin guts on his skin as he spoke, slipping and falling on the ground as they laughed and kissed each other covered in orange slime. That was the night he realized how perfect he was.

  _Speaking my soul,_

_The Metallica lyrics said “nothing else really matters”_

_Besides you in front of my eyes._

The night Dean realized he was in love with Castiel

Dean was wrecked, sobbing heavily, choking sounds coming from the back of his throat, not realizing he was crying until Castiel pulled him into his chest. Dean melted into him. Withering away as his body shook like an earthquake in Castiel's arms. All he kept hearing was Castiel crying, voice a broken mess as he asked him over and over not to leave him.

"Cas, I am sorry, I am so sorry." he managed to get out which only made Castiel cry harder, tears dripping onto Dean's dark hair. He assumed this was Dean telling him goodbye and it was killing him inside.

"I love you." Dean choked, "And I ain't going to leave you." He began crying harder, face burred in Castiel's warm chest. Castiel wrapped his arms around him tighter.

He was so stupid, everything he had said to Castiel was just something he was saying out of fear, he wants Castiel, he wants it to work out between the two. He isn't going to leave him, he never will. He knows Castiel isn't acting now, if he were he wouldn't be so distraught, how could he even think his feelings were fake?  
  
"I love you too baby." He sobbed.

Sam smiled and got up, "I am going to leave you two alone." He said quietly leaving the room.

Dean pulled his face away from Castiel's chest, and Castiel looked down. The two looked at each other's tear stained face and blood shot eyes. 

"Now what?" Dean asked shakily.  
  
"We take one day at a time." Castiel spoke softly, kissing the tip of Dean's nose before moving down to his lips. "We'll start over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this, I know it was a short 7 chapter fic, but it is the beginning to a series of Destiel fics, which will end up being several chapters in each part. There was a lot of things not covered in this, such as Cas family, Gabe, Dean and Sam hunting? You will learn more about both childhoods, etc
> 
> What happens with Sam and Ruby? More about Ellen Jo, Charlie, Dorothy. What happens to Dean and Cas? Which will be talked about more in other parts! Remember there will be one for each HOLIDAY! SO THANK YOUU


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